Haunted
by GrittyRe-boot
Summary: I woke up to pure darkness, but I won't stop until I can see the light again, until I can see her again, and nobody in heaven or on earth is going to stop me. Probably not AU, sadly.
1. The Darkness

**This is so freaking morbid, I know exactly how morbid this is, but I think everyone grieves in their own way, and this is how I'm choosing to grieve. Know now that this is not a Cory/Lea story, I've never written an RP fic and I don't plan on doing it now, this is strictly Finchel, but if you want to picture Cory in this scenario you're free to. I still don't plan on finishing The XXX Factor (I've deleted it in fact), because I don't feel that I can, still might finish Rachel Rises, haven't decided yet, but for now, this is what you're getting from me. I hope that you aren't too broken up to follow it, but if you are I understand, and if you can take it, I hope it helps all of you through a difficult time, myself included.**

I didn't feel anything, I heard the crash, the twisting metal, I saw the bright orange light before everything went to black, but I felt nothing. It's still black as I wake, everything black, and cold. I have no idea where I am right now, one moment I was on a plane to NYC, next thing I'm here, alone in this cold blackness, and I don't know if I'm dreaming or awake. I feel sort of… I'm not sure what the word is, numb I guess, like my mind is here but my body is someplace else. I bring a hand up to my chest, place it flat against it, and feel… nothing. There's nothing there, no heartbeat, no warmth, just nothing. Why is there nothing there? Where the hell am I? I have to know because the longer I'm here the less this feels like a dream, and I don't want this to feel real. The plane had started to rock a little, turbulence or so I thought. I was never afraid of flying, I liked flying actually, but when it started I began to feel that fear, and then I saw it.

Something exploded. Something exploded on the plane and that was the last thing I remember. Why is _that_ the last thing I remember? Why am I suddenly here? Why can't I feel my damn heartbeat? Unless I'm…

_No._

"Hello!" I finally yell at the top of my lungs, surely there must be someone close enough to hear. "Hello! Can anyone hear me? Hello!"

"Stop shouting for the love of god." I don't recognize the voice, but it's a man, older, and Irish, and I turn in every direction, needing to find him, needing to find anyone.

"Where are you?" I say, a little quieter, still frantic.

"I'm right bloody here, open your eyes man." I squint a little into the darkness until little by little he comes into view. His skin is pale, paler than mine, and his hair is wavy and long, and he has long, pronounced features. And I know I've seen this guy before, but where?"

"Where are we?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"We're nowhere," the man says simply. "His voice somehow both apathetic and strangely melodic. What does he mean by nowhere? How can we be nowhere?

"Who are you?" I ask then, not sure why I'm afraid of the answer.

"You've almost certainly never heard of me, but I assure you I'm quite famous and important," he says, not at all answering my question. You should be honored that they sent me and not that prize idiot Gary Coleman."

I'm starting to get a little confused at this point, not to mention angry, why the hell won't this guy just give me a straight answer? Is he completely fucked in the head or what?

"Look man I really don't have time for all of this—

"Oh you poor stupid lad, you have all the time in the world I'm afraid, eternity as a matter of fact," he says. And I focus really hard on his face then, positively certain I've seen this man before. But where? He looks more like the kind of guy Kurt would recognize, he dresses a little like Kurt actually, in his fitted blue suit with ruffles about the neck and a tophat held in one hand.

"Are you like a musician or something?" I ask, I'm not sure why I'm not asking something more important, like where we are for the hundredth time or why my heart has stopped beating, but I feel like asking this guy something important would just add to more frustration.

"Hardly," he answers. "I was something of a brilliant writer in my heyday, but now I spend most of my days enjoying the finest food, wine and entertainment thousands of years of artistic greats have to offer, that and plotting my revenge against Nikola Tesla… the man knows what he did."

"Wait, Nikola Tesla." I say, knitting my brow. "We just studied him in my history class but he… he's."

"Are you starting to figure it out now?" He says. "Don't worry it took your dad nearly half an hour."

"Who are you?" I ask again, I feel like there should be a lump forming in my throat right now, because I know exactly what this guy is trying to tell me, but I can't know that, I _can't_. I just need to know who this man is.

"Think really hard lad, you've seen me before," He says. "On a dustjacket, on a book in Kurt's bedroom. I looked positively smashing it actually insults me a little that you'd forget."

"You know about Kurt… and my dad" I say solemnly, "But of course how would you know about them unless…"

"I knew everything?" He says, finishing for me. "I can't say I know everything, but I do know quite a bit about you lad, I suppose I must considering the circumstances."

"The circumstances being… the plane malfunctioned," I finally say. "I saw it happen. I saw it and then I didn't see anything."

"I'm betting you wish you could cry right now don't you, don't worry, the ability does return."

I can't cry, he's right. I want to, I can't describe how badly I want to, because I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be in New York, with Rachel, because I promised her. I promised her I would and…

"The picture of Dorian Gray," I say, my voice choked by nothing, there are no tears. "That was the book on Kurt's shelf, The Picture Of Dorian Gray."

"Smart lad," He says, clapping me on the back, I can't feel it, but I can hear it.

"That book was published in the 1800's" I continue. "You've been dead for like a hundred years and now you're here talking to me."

"A hundred and thirteen years actually, give or take a few months," he confirms, and I should feel sick, but I don't feel anything.

"You get a lot of public figures here, usually ones you wouldn't immediately recognize so as not to be too much of a shock, I'm sure if I had been Kurt Cobain you would have practically shat yourself, you know if you could in fact still shit."

"Why?" I ask, my voice still shaky.

"I suppose we enjoy the work more than your average Joe, always keep busy, that's the code we live by, unless you're referring to John Lennon, now there's a lazy arse if there ever was one."

"No I meant why is this happening to me? Why now?" I clarify. "I'm not supposed to be here I'm supposed to be with Rachel I promised her."

"Finn I'm sure your girlfriend will understand, it's not like you dismissed her in favor of some insipid sporting event, you're dead for fuck's sake, don't be so hard on yourself."

"No, that's not what I meant. I can't be dead, this isn't right, I promised her," I say, louder and more frantically with every syllable, pacing wildly, wishing like hell I could just cry, what I would give to be able to cry right now.

"Calm down, everything's fine, that's a good lad," He says, rushing up to my side, stilling me.

"I can't be here, don't you get it?" I say again. "Everything was finally starting to get better, I was finally figuring out who I was and now? I can't be dead."

"Finn, being dead is hardly the worst thing that can happen to a person," He insists. "You'll find out I assure you."

"I don't want to find out," I say snappishly. "I want to go home."

"I'm afraid you can't go home," he says, his eyes sympathetic. "I'll take you someplace far better than home young lad, you'll see."

"I don't want to go anywhere with you that isn't New York City, if you can't take me there I don't want to hear it."

"Finn, I haven't been in New York since it was New Amsterdam I highly doubt I'd even know my way around, and there's the whole business of both of us being bloody dead."

"I don't care," Finn says. "I'm doing this with or without you."

"Oh no," He says, exasperated. "They warned me you were strong willed, what in God's name have I gotten myself into? Usually they just sulk a moment and come quietly, heaven tends to be a pretty good consolation prize for most people."

"I'm not going with you," I say, standing my ground. "Go back and tell them I refuse."

"I can't come back without you, those are the rules. You're my responsibility now Finn, where you go, I go."

"Then that settles it," I say. "We're going to New York."

**Finn is now friends with Oscar Wilde, because I can do that. Anyway, there will be an update very soon. Stay tuned folks.**


	2. The Light

**I thought I'd be more of a wreck writing this, but it's surprisingly comforting. I hope reading it is too. It is the very reason I decided to take this on, anyway hope you like the second chapter.**

"This is madness lad," he yells after me. "What exactly do you hope to accomplish?"

"I have to get out of here," I say frantically, marching ahead of him furiously, almost running. "There has to be a way out."

"You can't be serious," he protests. "Would you just come the fuck on? I'm already late for poker with Mark Twain and half the Beatles."

"Just tell me how to get out of here and you can go wherever you want," I say, flustered.

"I don't know how to get out, just up really," He says. "This has never come up before, I know Winston Churchill had a runner awhile back, but—

"_Finn?_"

It's so faint and fleeting I'm not sure if I've heard it at all, but somehow I have to stop at the sound, knitting my brow.

"Finn, you have to—

"Shh!" I whisper, interrupting him, needing the quiet, surely I couldn't have imagined what I just heard.

_"Finn, please,"_ There it is again, that voice… _her_ voice, I would know her voice anywhere, even now, as thick and choked as it is I know it's her. _"Please come back, please, you have to come back, you have to."_

"Oh my god," I whisper, staring into the darkness. "Did you hear that?"

"All I hear is a very stubborn young man trying my patience," He says dismissively.

"Listen," I insist. I look at him again as he looks up.

"I don't hear—

"Shh!" I whisper again.

_"Finn if you can hear me please answer me, just answer me okay?"_ If I could cry right now I don't think I'd be able to stop. I don't know how long I've been here, it feels like no time at all, but clearly it's been long enough for her to know about the crash, and now she's yelling my name with tears in her voice as if she knows that I can hear her, as if I can answer her, but… maybe I can.

"Rachel!" I yell at the top of my lungs. "Rachel! Baby can you hear me?"

"Finn, have you completely lost your marbles man?" he says.

"I heard her, I heard Rachel," I say.

"That is utterly impossible," He protests.

"Okay, you're a nineteenth century dead guy talking to a 21st century college student who just exploded in a plane and you're trying to talk to me about impossible?"

He hesitates a little before shrugging. "Fair enough."

"Just listen okay, it's clear as day," I insist once more and we wait then.

_"I know you can hear me,"_ she says again finally, her voice penetrating the darkness. _"If you can hear me just answer me okay? I'm not mad, I'm not mad at you for leaving, I just need to hear your voice I just need to know that you're okay, please."_

"I'm okay baby," I say quietly. "I promise you I'm okay."

"Wait just a minute, are you telling me you can actually hear her?" He says then.

"I can't believe you can't," I reply.

"Is this a joke? Are you attempting to trick me into following you on this insane undertaking?"

"Look man, you know a lot more about being dead than I do, in fact chances are you know a lot more about everything than I do, if you could help me get out of here I'd owe you big time."

"I told you I don't know the way out," he says. "Heaven and earth are full of mysteries even I can't solve."

"Surely you have theories," I persist.

"Perhaps but…"

"What's your theory here?"

I can tell he doesn't want to answer me, that he just wants to go back to the comfort of his cloud or whatever, but he also knows that I'm not going to give up that easy. The moment he quietly sighs I know I've gotten through to him.

"You know when I was alive I pretty much did whatever I liked best all the time, perhaps that's why I ended up dead," he starts. "I do believe heaven has turned me into something of a pragmatist."

"Does that mean you'll help me?" I say, a bit excited.

"Well, it has been awhile since I've done something to piss off God, I must say I was starting to miss it."

"Thank you dude, you have no idea," I say graciously. "So, what now? What should we do?"

"We need to follow the girl's voice," He says. "You can hear it, I can't, so where you go, I'll follow."

"It sounded like it was coming from that way," I say, pointing ahead, "But I can't be sure."

"Well, seeing as heaven is in the opposite direction I suppose you must be correct, New York is about as far from heaven as it gets."

"Then we're going this way," I decide, marching forward.

"And here we go," he says. "I'm Oscar by the way."

"Glad you said something, it would have been too awkward to ask after awhile," I respond as we march on.

I can't hear her anymore as we walk, but I suppose it's just because she's stopped talking, I have to hold onto hope that that's it, that she's sleeping maybe. It's good for her to sleep right now. I don't talk much either as we walk deeper and deeper into the darkness.

"So, how long have I been dead anyway?" I ask, just to break the silence.

"About three days," he says. Time goes much faster here, I suppose it would have to being eternity and whatnot."

"So she just found out about this," I say rubbing my forehead in frustration. "Oh god, and what about my mom huh? What kind of fucked up god takes a woman's husband and son in the same lifetime?"

"He's done it in the same day," Oscar replies. "And if I were you I wouldn't speak too ill of the big man, we're already going to have enough trouble going back after our little shenanigans, but I suppose hell would be a nice change of pace after 113 years."

"I'm not going back Oscar," I say. "I'm not ready."

"Nobody your age is really ready to die young man, doesn't mean you can just stop being dead."

"Maybe not, but I can sure as hell find my girl," I protest. "She can talk to me, that must mean something."

"Everyone can talk to the dead Finn, they just don't talk back."

"Yeah, when I told you I could hear her you thought I was crazy. "

"That's because you shouldn't be able to yet," he answers. "And even when we gain the ability to listen in on our loved ones it has to be our decision, _we_ seek _them_ out."

"Well she seeked me out, she needs me Oscar."

"So what do you plan on doing when you get there anyway, haunting the poor girl?" He says, clearly still a little uneasy about following me.

"I'm not going to haunt my girlfriend," I say. "I'm just gonna…

I realize I don't really know how to answer that, because I don't really know what I'm going to do. I just know I need to see her, especially now, she sounded so sad, sadder than I've ever heard her. If she can just know on some level that I'm alright then maybe it won't be so hard. She deserves to know that.

I don't feel anything physically, not my heartbeat or my blood circulating or my feet hitting the floor as I walk. But I feel _her_, I feel how much I love her coursing through my veins and I can't ignore it, I never have been able to ignore it, she wouldn't let me. From the moment I saw her I knew, even though I didn't know quite what to make of it then, what to make of her. I can't let it end this way, I can't just be dead without her knowing how completely I love her. So I continue to walk, Oscar beside me, a sort of amusement in his face almost, and I'm thankful that he decided to stick around.

"Bloody hell how long have we been walking?" he says. It truly does feel like hours, days even, I have no way of knowing, my feet don't hurt and I can't quite grasp how time works here, but it feels like a long time, but I won't turn around. I have all the time in the world and I plan on taking advantage. "You know I have no reason to be here it's out of morbid curiosity alon—

He's cut off suddenly, and I can't feel it, but I hear it, the slamming sound my body makes as I hit… what? There's nothing in front of me, only more black. Yet I can't walk anymore, the space in front of me is solid now, but why? Surely I can't be stuck here.

"Did you feel that?" I say, placing my hands out in front of me, pressing them against the solid space ahead.

"How curious," Oscar says, pressing his own hands against the wall.

"I don't understand, is this the end?" I say, still pushing, as if it might be a door I can force open. But I stop as soon as I hear it again, it's quieter this time, sleepier, but I hear it.

_"Finn, come back Finn." _I press my ear up against the solid space, hoping to hear it more clearly, but what I hear instead is almost a shock.

_"I'm really worried about her San," _It's Kurt, and he sounds bad himself, because of course he would. _"She won't eat, she sleeps 20 hours a day, she's missing school."_

_"How can you even think about school right now?"_ It's Santana now, and she sounds, dare I say it, choked up. _"Frankenteen's dead, of course she's miserable, I'm miserable."_

_"Miserable? Is that some sort of joke? You hated him."_

_"I hate everybody, including you,"_ she says, sniffling_. "Doesn't mean I didn't love him too, doesn't mean I won't miss him and his stupid half smirk and his stupid dancing and, just stupid him. Do you have any idea how much it sucks that I'll never get to throw water balloons at their wedding?"_

"What are you listening to now lad?" Oscar says quietly.

"It's my brother," I say fondly. "And my friend Santana. I mean, I didn't even know she was my friend but I guess she was. It's like she misses me. Weird."

"Well nice to know you were so loved, but if you haven't noticed we're in a bit of a pickle here—

"Shh!" I whisper once again, wondering silently when he's going to grow tired of me shushing him.

_"Santana it's going to be okay,"_ Kurt says a bit more sympathetically. _"I'm going to miss him too, so much, but I can't stop living because he's gone, and neither can Rachel."_

_"It's been a week Kurt, give her time,"_ Santana says.

_"How do we know that time is going to fix this?"_ Kurt says. _"What happens if she's still in this same place six months down the line?"_

_"She won't be,"_ Santana assures him. _"We have to have faith that she'll bounce back, but for now we need to let her deal with this the way she chooses."_

_"I don't know, I just feel like I should be doing more to help her,"_ Kurt says sadly.

_"Just be here,"_ Santana says. _"That's all you can do. And all I can do is be here for the both of you, I know you're trying to keep up a brave front but if you need to fall apart then just fall apart Kurt, it's okay."_

_"I'll keep that in mind,"_ he says. _"I have to go to sleep, I feel like I haven't slept in days."_

_"I'll stay with her a bit longer" _Santana replies.

_"Thanks San,"_ he says, and I can even hear the floor creak as he walks away. It feels like I'm close, but I don't understand how, and that's when I see it, the light. It's small, tiny like a pinprick, and I barely notice it at all at first, but now that I see it I can't keep my eyes off of it.

"What is that?" I ask tentatively.

"I'm sure I have no idea," Oscar says, his brow knitted. "I've never seen it before."

I kneel down then to get closer, to more clearly see the bright light shining through the tiniest of holes in the solid wall. I'm not sure what will happen when I do, but I reach out to touch it. I feel nothing as I press my finger against it, still I keep pushing.

"What it is lad?" Oscar asks.

"I don't know, I can't feel anything," I say in frustration. "But you can," I deduce.

"I suppose we've come this far," he says, kneeling down next to me. He presses his finger against the light, making it disappear for the tiniest of moments.

"It's a hole alright," he says, next bending a little more to look through it. "This girlfriend of yours, Rachel, is she a tiny little thing?"

"Yes," I say in almost a whisper.

"Long, brown hair?"

"Yes," I say wondering where he's going with this. "Oscar do you see something?"

"I must say, she's lovely lad, I'm quite fond of her nose."

I don't mean to, but I can't help but push him aside, and forcefully at that, to look where he was just looking, and at the sight my breath catches. She's sleeping, alone in her room, and she looks so small, smaller than I've ever seen her, and her hair is matted to her forehead and her eyes are so puffy it's almost as if they're swollen shut, but she's Rachel, and I can't help but smile as I look at her face again.

_"Finn,"_ she whispers in her sleep. _"Come back Finn."_

"Rach, oh sweetheart," I say quietly, choking back imaginary tears. "I'm right here."

"You know, I actually heard that," Oscar says ponderously.

"It's because we're close," Finn says. "But how can I get to her?"

"This is all new to me man," Oscar says. "I suppose you could try punching your way through."

I don't even hesitate a second before slamming my fist hard against the black wall.

"I was only joking man, are you mad?" Oscar says, flustered.

"Come on, help me," I insist, punching again, and hesitantly he obeys, instead electing to hit the wall firmly with his fancy cane, he clearly isn't the punching type. We're at this for a long time, I'm not sure how long, because I can never be sure of anything involving time here, but after awhile the cracks begin to appear and the room begins to illuminate.

"Well I'll be an obese 12 year old prostitute," Oscar says in bewilderment. "Why is it that all of my stupidest ideas turn out to be the correct ones."

"Come on, keep going, it's working," I say, slamming my first harder into the wall, lucky I can't feel pain because I imagine it would be pretty unbearable by now.

"Do you think she can hear this?" I say, looking through the cracks at Rachel, she's still sleeping like a rock, so I continue to punch the wall, again, and again until finally the blackness in front of us shatters, leaving only the room in front of us.

"Oh my god," I say in disbelief. "We did it."

"What now?" Oscar says.

"You're asking me? You're the expert."

"Hardly, I haven't been clever since before I died."

"There she is, it's her," I say, looking upon the face of my sleeping girlfriend, the one I left without even realizing it. I walk carefully forward, almost afraid of what will happen if I move too fast. "She's so beautiful, it's almost like I forgot for a second," I say sadly.

I'm kneeling beside her bed now, and I reach out slowly to touch her, wondering if my hand will go right through her, but it doesn't, her hair gives as I stroke it away from her face.

"I'm sorry baby," I say quietly, I'm sorry I left but I'm here now, and I won't ever leave you again.

"Don't make promises you can't keep Finn," Oscar says softly.

"I'm not, I'm staying with her," I decide. "If you want to go back you can."

"I told you, I can't go back without you."

"You're going to have to Oscar, I'm sure God will understand," I say, still stroking her hair, wondering if she feels it.

"It's not God I'm afraid of Finn," Oscar says. "It's you, well, I'm not afraid of you per se, but I am afraid for you."

"Why?"

"Because you're a ghost now, it's the decision you've made, and I know it sounds ideal right now, but it's a lonely life, it's not a life at all actually," he explains. "Trust me on that. Of course I've never experienced it first hand but I've heard the stories. Even those who catch a glimpse of you will be terrified of you, of your very existence."

"Rachel won't be afraid of me," I protest. "She loves me, and I love her and I'm staying here."

"What if you change your mind?" He argues. "What if you want to come back and you can't."

"I won't," I insist. "This is right where I want to be. Go back Oscar, it's okay."

I look at him then, he's still standing in the darkness that covers the entire back surface of Rachel's room, if he wants to he can turn around and go back to his cloud where he belongs, but he doesn't, he steps forward, and the second he does, the blackness disappears.

"What are you doing," I say frantically. "I told you to go back."

"Oh I heard you," Oscar replies. "I suppose I will eventually, with or without you, but for now, I figure, why not take advantage of this very curious situation."

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't been on Earth for 113 years. I suppose while I'm here I might as well enjoy it. I used to do that you know."

I smile warmly at Oscar, then I turn my eyes back to Rachel, still peaceful, still sleeping, then I look at her nightstand, piles of ruined tissues, and empty glass of water, it looks the same as it did when she choked at her Nyada audition, but it worked out then and it will now, because I won't leave her again.

**Stay tuned folks.**


	3. The Promise

**I'm sorry the chapters are on the short side, I just want to be able to update as quickly as possible and I don't have a lot of time to write between work shifts.**

I'm not sure what to do, where to go from here, but I feel like I can breathe again, even though I know I really can't. It's strange, I've lost all feeling but when I touch her it's almost as if I can sense the warmth coming off of her skin. I don't know if I'm imagining it or not but I find it hard to care. I don't know if I should wake her up, if I even can, but I want to, and I hope to god that she'll somehow know I'm here. I don't know if she'll be able to see me, or feel me or hear me, I don't know how this being a ghost thing works, but I know that I'm here, and that's all that matters for now.

"So are you just going to stare at her all night or what?" Oscar says with his already familiar air of snark.

"Oscar I'm really grateful that you're sticking around and everything but do you mind giving us a little privacy?"

He sighs softly and shrugs. "I suppose there may be some mirrors I can appear in in the city somewhere," he says. "But I won't be far lad."

I nod and he starts toward her window, disappearing out of it.

"Hey Rachel," I say turning toward her again. "I'm just going to let you sleep alright? But I promise I'll be here when you wake up," At that I press a light kiss to her cheek, but I don't get a chance to linger too long before she shoots up in bed, startled, breathing hard as if coming out of a nightmare, and if my heart still beat it would be pounding right now, because I wasn't expecting that even a little.

"R-Rachel?" I whisper. It's as if she's in some sort of daze, her eyes are wide and staring at nothing in particular, and I know she must still be half asleep. "Rachel?" I repeat, moving slowly toward her. "Baby can you hear me? Can you see me?"

She doesn't respond, still staring forward as I carefully sit next to her on the bed. I'm not sure what to do. If she can see or hear me she certainly isn't showing it, but I have to believe that I can make her know I'm here somehow. I just have to approach this with caution, the last thing I want is to freak her out.

"Rachel?" I say quietly, staring intensely at her face, she's like a stone and I can't say that doesn't concern me a little. "Rachel, can you hear me?"

At that my hand slowly reaches hers, touching it, and I can't help but feel the tiniest bit of hope as she snatches it away like being burned.

"You felt that, I know you did," I say frantically. "Look at me Rachel, I'm right here, I'm right next to you."

She turns her head slowly, so slowly I don't know if she's moving at all at first, and she's not looking directly at me as she opens her mouth to speak.

"Am I dreaming?" She says, her voice hushed.

"No, you're not dreaming Rachel," I assure her. Her brow furrows and her breathing speeds up a little. I know that she's afraid, but somehow it's like she's not afraid of the fact that I'm here, more like she's afraid I might really not be.

"Am I crazy?" She says then, tears in her voice now, and I reach out and touch her face, noticing the way she flinches a little, the way her eyes squeeze shut and her body starts to shake as I touch her.

"Don't be afraid," I say quietly. "You're not crazy, you're not imagining this, I promise."

"This isn't real," She says tearfully. "You're not real."

"Yes, yes I am," I assure her. "I'm real, I know you can't see me but I promise you I'm here, I'm right here."

"No," she says, shaking her head miserably.

"Rachel, yes." I say firmly.

"But how?" She cries. "How are you here? You died. How are you talking to me?"

"I'm here because I heard your voice," I explain. "I heard your voice and I followed it into the light, you brought me here."

"Are you…" she trails off, her voice still choked. "Are you a ghost?"

I'm still not sure how I feel about that word, but I guess there's nothing else I can be.

"I'm going to be perfectly honest," I say carefully, after a pause. "I'm haunting you."

"You're… haunting me?" She repeats.

"I told Oscar Wilde I wasn't but I guess that's what this is," I say sheepishly. "I just wanted to see you, and this is the only way I can do that."

"Oscar Wilde?"

"Yeah, we're sort of friends, it's a long story," I reply. She still looks practically catatonic, it's a lot to take in I know, but I know the reality will hit her sooner or later.

"Rachel please believe me, believe _this_, it's real I swear," I say, taking her hand in mine and pulling it up to my chest, noticing the way her eyes go wide as her hand jerks up involuntarily, but she doesn't scream, or even look scared, just surprised really. And what she does next takes me by surprise a little. She gently pulls her hand away from mine and presses her palm against my chest. Staring down at her hand as she does it, noticing how she feels resistance even though she's pushing against nothing.

"This is where your heart is isn't it?" She says brokenly.

"Yeah," I say, smiling warmly. "You showed me that."

She begins to cry more then, choked, silent sobs that she can barely contain, and I want to hold her so badly I can't take it, but I don't want to scare her, so I remain still.

"Your heart isn't beating," She cries. "And I can't see you and you're talking to me and I can't see you but I can feel you and you're so cold," she begins to ramble frantically. "What's happened to you?"

"Rachel I'm okay, I am, I mean I died but I'm here now, I came back for you."

"Are you hurting?" She asks. "The way you died… you burned because the plane exploded, and all I could picture was you screaming in pain and I couldn't take it."

"I didn't feel anything," I say reassuringly. "I don't feel anything now, no pain, just you, I can feel you touching me right now and it's the best thing in the world."

She looks at me now, of course she's not actually looking at me, because she can't see me, but it feels like she's looking right into my eyes.

"Finn?" She says, finally saying my name.

"Yeah, it's be babe," I say smiling. And finally her distraught, tear streaked face breaks out into a wide smile, and I'm taken slightly aback as she launches herself at me, throwing her arms around my invisible form almost too fast for me to catch her.

"Oh my god!" She sobs. "I was so scared, I was so scared I would never hear your voice again."

"So was I," I say, holding her tight in my arms, It feels like a lifetime since I last held her, and I know that I shouldn't, that I could still freak her out, but I take the chance and attach my invisible lips to hers, relieved when they soften under mine after only a moment of hesitation. I wonder what it's like for her, to kiss a ghost, but she doesn't seem to mind, she kisses the same, with passion and affection, and it makes me feel amazingly, overwhelmingly alive.

"I don't care if I am crazy," She says, breathing hard as she breaks the kiss, it's so much better than you not being here."

"You're not crazy," I reassure her once again, tucking a bit of stray hair behind her ear.

"I just can't believe you're actually haunting me," she says, giggling a little through her tears.

"I know," I say. "But I promise I won't do any creepy, Amityville horror stuff."

"It's just so… romantic."

Most girls would probably think it was creepy, but Rachel never was like most girls.

"What happens now?" She continues. "What does this mean?"

"It means I love you," I say to her. And I kiss her again, and she kisses me back, without fear or hesitation.

"So you're staying?" She says hopefully. "You won't leave again?"

"I don't know how this works," I say. "I feel like I'm learning as I go. But I know I found you for a reason, I believe that with everything I have. And I think the reason is that you and me were meant to be together, no matter what."

"I know, I've always known," She says. "You not being here, it doesn't make sense… _this_ makes sense," She continues, kissing me again. "I love you Finn."

"I love you too, always."

**Stay tuned folks.**


	4. The Leap

**Sigh, I couldn't help adding a little citrus here, I didn't really want to write ghost porn initially but it sort of ended up going that way. I kept the rating at T, just be warned.**

We should be talking I suppose, there's so much to say, so much that I have to say in particular, like how she was the last thing I thought about before I died. Her face was the last image I pictured in my mind. I was going to marry this girl, I believed that with every fiber of my being because there simply would never be another her. I wondered from time to time if there could be another me, someone else who Rachel could love and who could love her, but that always felt wrong to me, I was the one who was supposed to love her, anything else was unthinkable, and maybe she knew that too, maybe that's why she can take me into her arms again even now, even though I've been transformed into this sort of half person who she can't even see. I should be talking to her about this and so much more, but I can't pull away from her for long enough to speak words. How I missed this, her body beneath mine, her lips pressed against my lips, it hasn't been so long really since we were together last, but it felt like years and I just need to be here awhile longer, I need to remember.

"Finn," She whispers breathlessly as she finally parts from me. "Finn talk to me, I need you to talk to me sweetheart."

I bury my face in the crook of her neck and stroke her soft hair as she holds me closer.

"This is so strange, I mean it's strange for me," I admit. "I can't even imagine what this must be like for you."

"I'm just so thankful you're here," she cries, stroking my cheek gently. "I just wish that I could see you."

"I know," I reply. "But I think it's better that I can touch you," I say kissing her neck softly, making her shiver. "And kiss you and talk to you, I never thought I would be able to do those things again."

She nods, biting her lip, tears in her eyes. "What was it like? What was it like when you woke up?"

"Dark," I tell her. "And cold, it's like the cold was the only thing I could feel, and it was so… lonely."

"But you don't feel lonely now?"

"I never feel lonely when I'm with you," I say with a warm smile she can't see.

"Then stay here with me," She says.

"I will," I reply. "We just have to work out a way to explain this to Kurt and Santana, I mean I'm not sure if they'll be as cool about this whole haunting thing as you are."

"Are you kidding?" Rachel says in disbelief. "Kurt would give anything to be able to talk to you again, and Santana…"

"Misses me," I say, finishing her sentence. "I couldn't believe it until I heard it."

"You heard Santana?"

"Yeah, I didn't even think she liked me."

"Well Santana isn't one to show affection for anyone, but you did mean something to her, you were her friend, and now she has you back, we all do. It's like a miracle."

I kiss her again, tenderly and sweetly, and she cradles my face in her hands as she kisses me back.

"When do you think we should tell them?" I say as I break the kiss.

"I think we should approach this as soon as possible, the longer we wait the stranger this whole situation is going to become."

"I think it's going to be strange no matter what," I say. And she starts to sit up a little and I climb off of her.

"We have to think of it like introducing a new roommate," She explains. "They'll of course have their questions, but if you can answer them honestly and be open and simply be yourself I know they'll accept you."

"I'm not sure if I know how to be anything but myself around you guys."

"Well you're halfway there," she says encouragingly. And she's right, this does make sense, Rachel being so sad, not being her fiery, determined self, that didn't make sense at all. Seeing her this way again I can't help but kiss her, still amazed at how willingly and lovingly she kisses me back.

"Finn," She whispers into my mouth. "Finn wait, can you stop for a second?" So I stop, parting my lips from hers but keeping my hands where they were before, and I notice the way she's blushing the slightest bit.

"What is it babe?" I ask.

"Well," she says, looking down at the floor. "This is going to sound odd but… can we do… other things?"

And I'm sure if she could see me right now I would be blushing too, I had actually hoped this wouldn't come up, but I knew on some level that it would have to.

"Rach, I don't have a heartbeat, I'm pretty sure that means…"

"A-oh," She says nervously.

"I'm sorry, I mean Oscar said that certain abilities would return, but, I don't know when."

"It's alright Finn, you don't have to be sorry," she says, wrapping my arms around my neck. "Besides, I always liked it best when you would… you know… the thing."

I'm still very much aware of what the thing is, and I had indeed gotten quite good at the thing during my life, at first it was out of necessity, when I couldn't last more than five minutes and had to figure out how to get her off another way, but even as I got considerably better at that part my mouth still had a very special place in Rachel's heart… and pants.

"Lay back," I whisper softly in her ear.

"No Finn you don't have to—

"Lay back," I repeat, laughter in my voice, and after a moment of hesitation she smiles and obeys. I hover over her, slowly capturing her lips in mine again, starting slow, kissing her mouth, her cheek, her temple, and moving down slowly, pressing light kisses against her neck and collarbone as I slowly unbutton her pajama top. Her breath catches as I wrap my mouth around her breast, sucking gently, and I notice the way she tremors a little.

"Sorry," I say with a nervous chuckle. "I know I'm cold."

"It's okay," she says huskily. "I actually kind of like it."

So I keep going, sucking one nipple, then the other, wishing I could taste them, but they still feel warm and soft in my mouth and for now it's enough. I can hear her breathing speed up, and I can almost feel her heart race against my forehead the way it always did, she's ready and I'm ready, well as ready as I can be in this state. I move lower, peppering light kisses down her stomach as I slide her pants down, slightly taken aback by the sight of her.

"Good lord," I say teasingly, noticing the way she blushes in slight embarrassment.

"Shut up," She says playfully. "I've been in mourning. Excuse me if shaving isn't my top priority right now."

I smile and laugh, so in love with this girl it's insane.

"You're beautiful," I say sincerely, and she smiles back. "Even when you look like Chewbacca from the waist down," I continue daringly, and it doesn't hurt when she hits me, but she gets her point across.

"I'm sorry," I chuckle, bending down to kiss her again. And she kisses me back, giggling against my lips, but her laughter turns to a soft gasp as I sink two fingers into her, feeling her warmth and tightness around my cold, invisible hands. I wish so much that I could give her more of me, all of me in fact, but just knowing that I can still make her feel good is more than enough, and that fact is confirmed further when I begin to pump my fingers in and out, slowly at first then quickly, brushing my thumb over the hard slippery nub above her soft folds. Her shallow, quick breaths are in perfect harmony with the movement of my hand, and her fingers dig roughly into my back as I touch her.

"Finn, please," she murmurs quietly, her voice breathy and strained, letting me know how badly she wants my mouth right now. I don't hesitate another moment before sliding down between her legs, gently placing my tongue where my hand is. With just the lightest touch her whole body tenses and her back arches off of the bed and her fingers twist in my hair. I remember the taste of her so sharply that it's almost enough to compensate for my lack of senses right now, and I can hear her heavy breathing and high pitched sighs as I lap her wildly, my tongue swirling up and down every inch of her, making her quiet sighs and moans slowly escalate in volume until I have no choice but to stop for a second.

"Wait! no no no!" she pleads desperately before I quiet her with a soft kiss to her wet, parted lips.

"You have to be quiet," I whisper softly. "If they wake up don't you think they're going to wonder who's doing this to you?"

"I'll be good," she breaths. "Just please don't stop."

I obey, returning to what I was doing, gripping her thighs and burying my face between them again, I know this feels different for her than it used to, colder, but she doesn't seem to mind at all, and I feel a bit of pride swelling in my chest at the way she has to cover her face with a pillow to quiet her screams, and moreso when I direct my focus to her swollen clit, running my tongue up and down it sucking a little, finishing her off with a few more skillful licks.

I take a few moments to let her catch her breath a little before I crawl up next to her, wrapping my arms around her shaking body and kissing her temple lightly.

"I love you," I whisper softly into her ear, stroking her hair away from her clammy forehead. She turns to kiss me, catching my nose and chin before finally landing on my lips.

"I wish I could do that to you," she says sadly, still struggling to catch her breath.

"Pretty sure I don't have one of those," I joke, and she playfully swats me again.

"You know what I mean," she replies.

"It's okay," I assure her. "It's enough that I can still make you feel that way."

"Yes you certainly can," she says blissfully. And I kiss her again, long and deep, pulling her tighter to me.

"What does it feel like?" she says after awhile. "When I touch you I mean?"

I stop to think for a minute, considering how to explain it, because I can't really, I'm not even sure if I understand it, but I try anyway.

"It's sort of like this warm tingle almost," I explain. "Almost like I'm feeling you from the inside, and you know, I remember, I remember so strongly what your hands and your mouth feel like, my mind can almost trick me into believing I still can."

"But you can't, not really." She says sadly.

"I can Rachel, it may not be the exactly the same as it was, but it's amazing… you're amazing."

"You're amazing too," she says sweetly, cuddling deeper into the pillows, her eyes fluttering closed.

"Are you sleepy?" I say softly.

"No, I'm okay," she says unconvincingly.

"You can sleep if you want to, I'll be right here with you."

"Can you sleep?"

"No, but I can pretend," I say, shutting my own eyes. So she sleeps and I pretend to.

"Finn," she says sleepily after awhile.

"Yeah babe," I answer.

"How do you know Oscar Wilde?"

I had a feeling she'd ask that eventually, because that wasn't really a question that could go unasked.

"He was the first person I met when I woke up," I explained. "I think he was supposed to take me to heaven or something."

"Hmm," she says, considering my words for a moment. "Heaven sounds nice."

"Yeah," I agree. "But not as nice as this."

* * *

I didn't sleep at all that night, because I couldn't, but she slept peacefully next to me and it made me feel peaceful too, almost like sleeping, so much like sleeping in fact I feel a bit of a jolt when she shoots awake frantically.

"Finn, you have to stay quiet okay?" She whispers, "Kurt's coming and we're going to need to ease him into this situation," she says. I hear his footsteps approaching too, and I nod in agreement.

The imaginary tears almost come again when I see my brother enter the room, the same sad look in his eye that he had the time his father got sick, the one he's clearly trying to conceal.

"Good morning Rachel," Kurt says as happily as he can. "How'd you sleep?"

"Really well actually," she says a bit nervously, and I can tell that Kurt is confused by her almost cheerful tone.

"Are you feeling better?" he says, walking up to the bed, and I'm a little afraid that he's going to end up sitting on me as he takes a corner of the bed, but he avoids me by inches.

"I am actually," she says, getting another confused look out of Kurt.

"That's… that's good Rachel," he says in what sounds like disbelief.

"How are you? Are you feeling alright?" Rachel says then.

"I'm better," Kurt says, shrugging a little, and I wish so much that I could just tell him right now that I'm here, I just hate the look on his face right now.

"That's good," she says.

"You seem really… happy this morning Rachel," Kurt says. "I mean not that I'm not happy, but still, for the past week you've looked like you were about a second away from stepping in front of a subway, what changed all of a sudden?"

She glances quickly in my direction, carrying Kurt's glance with hers.

"What are you looking at?" he says.

"Kurt," she says carefully, scooting up to him. "Santana!" she continues, yelling for her roommate.

"What happened?" Santana says as she frantically enters the room, worry in her gaze. "Please don't tell me someone else died because I don't think I can take it right now."

"No," Rachel says, shaking her head. "But there is something I have to tell you guys."

"What is it babe?" Santana says sympathetically.

"Okay," Rachel starts taking a deep breath. "This is going to sound really crazy but I just need you to trust me here."

"We trust you, just tell us," Kurt says.

"Well," Rachel says. "As we all know we lost a very dear friend, brother and love of my life a week ago."

"Yeah," Santana says, looking down sadly. "I know it's still really tough on you."

"That's the thing Santana, I think Finn knew too," she says. "And I think sometimes when we lose someone very close to us, they want nothing more than to let us know that they're still here in some way, and while most of them can never truly do that, and can only leave it to faith and time to heal the wounds of loss, I've always liked to think that once in a great while, someone we've lost could take that leap back."

"Wait a minute," Kurt says, worriedly. "What are you talking about Rachel?"

"I'm talking about Finn, and the fact that…"

"Rachel?" Santana says, urging her on, and before saying anything else she reaches aside to grab my hand in hers.

"Finn Hudson took the leap," she says. "He's with us, in this room, right now."

There's simply silence after that.

**Stay tuned folks.**


	5. The Disconnect

**Another short chapter, but it was either a short update or no update for almost another week.**

They look at her like she has two heads as she waits for their reaction. Speaking would probably be useful right about now, but I can't decide whether it's fear or embarrassment that leaves me so quiet.

"Rachel," Kurt starts, his eyes almost pitying. "Are you okay?"

She squeezes my hand tighter as she begins to explain. "I'm not making this up, I promise, he's here, he's right in this room with us, he appeared to me last night."

"Rachel, honey, we know that you miss Finn," Santana starts, her voice breaking. "But this, this isn't healthy."

"She's telling the truth," I finally say. But nothing changes in either of their faces, or even Rachel's. Wait a minute, did they not hear me just now? How could they not hear me? How could Rachel not hear me?

"Finn, say something," she says, starting to look panicked, but I just did, didn't I?

"Rachel, we're starting to think that maybe you should see someone," Kurt says, his face and voice still sympathetic.

"No, she's not crazy," I argue, but they still can't hear me.

"Finn?" She says softly, "Where are you, why did you let go of my hand?" Rachel says quietly. But I didn't, I'm still holding it. What the hell is happening, I'm still here, why can't she hear me? Why can't she feel me anymore?

"Rachel this isn't Funny," Santana says, her voice growing tense.

"I'm not making this up," Rachel says frantically, and now her eyes are starting to tear and I have to do something, anything. I can't let this happen to her, I already left her, I can't do that again. "Finn please, please just say something. Do something."

"I'm trying," I say again, my own voice rising in pitch with panic, the voice they can't even hear. There has to be something else I can do. I just have to focus, I could touch her before, talk to her, I can't have lost that in a few hours, not completely.

"I don't know what's happening, he was here, I promise. I would never lie to you about that," She says, sobbing. And at that Kurt takes the smaller girl into his arms, rubbing her back as she cries.

"It's okay Rachel, everything's going to be okay," He says as he holds her, his voice is soothing, but his face looks almost scared, scared that his best friend is losing her mind. And Santana simply shakes her head a little. I remain still, silent, focused on what I can possibly do to help her, I look down at my hand and realize that it's no longer clasped around hers, I try to grab it again, but it simply goes right through, the way I feared it would the first time. As she cries and Kurt comforts her and Santana sits there as if she has no idea what to make of any of this, I look around frantically. There has to be something I can grab, something I can still make some sort of contact with. I see it then, the glass on the nightstand. I reach for it, my unbeating heart sinking as my hand once again goes through it, but I can't give up. I have to focus, I have to make this work. I reach for it again, and a feeling of relief washes over me as my hand makes contact with it. I have to move fast. I don't know how long it will last. I don't hesitate even a second longer before picking it up and hurling it against the brick wall.

"Holy fuck!" Santana exclaims, horrified. "What was that?"

And I look at Rachel's face as she smiles and wipes at her tears.

"Finn," she explains. And Oscar was right about one thing, both Kurt and Santana look like they've just about pissed themselves.

"No, that's impossible he's not…" Kurt starts, trailing off because how else can he explain what the hell just happened?

"It is possible Kurt," I say then.

"Listen," Rachel says, perking up. She heard me, thank god. "Can you hear that?"

"I didn't hear anything," Santana says, her voice shaking a bit.

"Finn, say something else, it's okay," Rachel says, nodding encouragingly.

"Kurt, Santana," I start hesitantly. "I know this makes no sense and it's really creepy, but I promise you it's real."

"He says that he knows this doesn't make any sense, but he promises that this is real," Rachel repeats. "Go on."

"I'm not trying to scare you, and I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I just had to see you guys again," I say.

"He says he's not trying to hurt us or scare us, he just had to see us again," she repeats once again.

Their eyes are wide and searching and in spite of my assurance that I wasn't here to hurt anyone, they look scared shitless.

"Are you seriously talking to him right now?" Santana says, her voice quiet.

"I promise you this isn't a trick guys," Rachel says with a hint of desperation.

"Seriously, why would she even do that?" I say.

"Why would I even do that?" She repeats.

"There has to be some sort of explanation," Kurt says. "I mean… right?"

"Kurt, is this really so out there?" Santana says, her voice losing a bit of its nervous edge. "I mean we all saw _The Conjuring_."

"I didn't," I say, a bit bitterly.

"Santana, this isn't like _The Conjuring_," Rachel explains. "Finn's a good ghost, right Finn?"

"Yeah, like Patrick Swayze in that movie where he's a Ghost," I explain.

"This is real guys," she says confidently.

"I don't get it," Santana says. "Why does he only talk to you?"

"I don't know," Rachel explains. "I don't really know how this works. But don't ghosts tend to latch on to people who are either very young or in a state of extreme emotional vulnerability?"

"Even if ghosts do exist, we're all emotionally vulnerable Rachel," Kurt says, somehow still skeptical.

"Not as much as her," Santana offers. "Sad is one thing, this one completely lost her shit after Finn died, it would make sense that she's the only one who can see him."

"I can't see him," Rachel says sadly. "But I can hear him, I can touch him."

"Oh my god," Santana says, shooting up from the bed, squeezing her eyes shut. "Ohmygodohmygod!"

"Santana, what's wrong?" Kurt says.

"You can touch him?" Santana says. "Oh my god I thought you were dreaming before."

"Dreaming what?" Rachel says nervously, faking innocence.

"Did you and ghost Finn… do something last night?" Santana says hesitantly.

And I can tell that Rachel's beet red face at the question is the only proof she needs. I was a little afraid that one of them had heard something, but I guess there are bigger things to worry about.

"Oh my god, gross!" Santana cries.

"Hey!" I say, offended.

"Santana, it's not a big deal," Rachel says. "You're not looking at the bigger picture."

"You fucked a dead guy!" Santana says frantically.

"We did no such thing we just… fooled around a little," Rachel says nervously.

"Okay this is all starting to get a little insane," Kurt says.

"_Starting_ to get insane?" Santana says. "Rachel was getting busy with her dead boyfriend and people say that _our_ lifestyle is disgraceful."

"Santana this is getting a little offensive," I say uselessly.

"Santana, would you please stop? You're hurting his feelings. Pretty sure you did enough of that when he was alive don't you?"

"I'm sorry," Santana says, hesitantly sitting back down, trying to pull herself together a little. "I'm sorry… Finn."

"Santana you can not be talking to my dead brother right now," Kurt says, and I'm not sure at first, but I think there are tears in his eyes.

"Kurt, it's okay," I say gently.

"Finn says that it's going to be okay," Rachel repeats.

"No, this ends right now," Kurt says tearfully. "I don't know what the hell just happened with the glass but I'm telling you right now that it wasn't my brother trying to communicate with us, you need help Rach, serious help." He's upset, I know he doesn't mean it, spending days and days trying to keep it together couldn't have been easy. But there has to be a way to get through to him, I think as he turns to leave. I don't know how long it will last, whether I'll start to lose my grip on things again, literally, but for now I have to try something a little more convincing than a glass. It takes two tries to pick up the pen, but once I do I immediately begin to scrawl on the closest piece of paper, and I hope Rachel forgives me for screwing up her _Book Of Mormon_ playbill.

"Kurt, look at this," Santana says, her eyes wide as she looks in the direction of my hand, scrawling quickly on the playbill before I can't hold onto it anymore, and Kurt's own eyes go wide as he sees it, and his hand claps over his mouth in shock. I can only get out a few words before I can no longer hold onto the pen. But it's enough.

He looks genuinely afraid as he approaches the nightstand to read my simple words.

_Kurt, everything's going to be okay,_

_Finn._

The tears finally spill over as he reads it and he backs up quickly, stumbling into the desk.

"I mean it Kurt, I love you, and I'm here for you, even if you can't see me or hear me, I'm here," I say softly. "Tell him Rachel."

But she doesn't, she doesn't even respond to my words because she can't hear me again, and I don't understand why, but Kurt knows I'm here, he can't deny it anymore, none of them can. For now that will have to be enough. In any case, I hope Oscar comes back. Needless to say I have some questions.

**I realize this is my second story in a row where Finn hurls a cup against the wall. And speaking of Rachel Rises, I've decided that I will finish it, but not until I complete this story. Stay Tuned Folks.**


	6. The Shadow

**Considering the subject matter, this has been pretty lighthearted so far, I'm just warning you now that the next couple of chapters are going to be a bit more angsty, but I like to think that the tone is still on the humorous side.**

It's been nearly two hours, two hours since she's heard me speak, and she's getting anxious, afraid. I pace in front of her as she sits, with Santana and Kurt, listening for me. There's nothing I can do to show her that I'm right here, I've tried picking something up again, I can't, and she's starting to get freaked, starting to cry, afraid that I've left her again. I won't, I'm not going anywhere, but how is she supposed to know that if I can't speak to her anymore?

"Rachel I'm sure—

"Shh!" Rachel whispers sharply, cutting Santana off. "We have to be quiet in case he says something again."

"Are you sure he's even still here?" Kurt whispers quietly.

"Of course Kurt, where would he go?" Rachel says.

"Maybe he went to see his mom," Kurt says shrugging.

I've thought about that, and I will go see her, but it can't be like this, not if nobody can hear or see me, there would be no point at all.

"Without saying anything to me about it?" Rachel argues. "No, he's here Kurt, I know he's here, he's just lost the ability to communicate with me, and I don't know why."

"Ghosts are weird," Santana says simply. "In every ghost movie I've seen they always kind of appear randomly."

I have to admit she makes a good point, ghosts don't just hang out with the people they're haunting and hold conversations and act like members of the family. But what happened between me and Rachel last night, it felt like maybe I would be different. Oscar warned me about this, that being a ghost was a lonely , sad existence, but I didn't want to believe him... and no, I won't believe him. There has to be a way to get through, there has to be.

"Smart girl that Santana, not to mention bloody gorgeous, if only I were 130 years younger and… you know, alive."

If I had a heartbeat then it would have stopped at the sound of Oscar's voice behind me.

"Oscar!" I almost shout in surprise. "Where have you been?"

"You told me to give you privacy so that's what I did, I'm sorry lad, next time you give me instructions I'll be sure to do the exact opposite," he says sarcastically.

"Look, I'm sorry," I sigh, "It's just been sort of a weird morning."

"Ah, I see," he says, stroking his chin.

"You knew about this didn't you?" I say under my breath. "That I would fade in and out like this?"

"It's what ghosts do lad, they're like shadows, they're always around but never quite tangible."

"But Rachel, I talked to her, I…" I don't want to continue, I'm not sure how much I want to tell this guy.

"You're one of the lucky ones, you latched onto Rachel at just the right time to have extended contact, there's also a possibility that she has some medium ability, but don't tell her that, she seems like the type to demand a television special."

"You're right, she totally would," I sigh, rubbing my forehead. "Why didn't you tell me this?"

"Would you have listened?" He asks, and I have to admit that he's right.

"So what, I can just never talk to her again?" I say sadly.

"Never say never lad," He says. "Sometimes you'll be able to get through just fine, unfortunately how much and for how long you can never truly know."

"This is ridiculous, I'm right here, in this room she should be able to hear me, she should be able to see me—

"You're dead man, can't you see that?"

"But I told her I wouldn't leave her, now this, I can't keep breaking promises like this."

"Then perhaps you should stop making them in the first place," he says, shrugging, and I shoot him a look. "Come on man, don't be so hard on yourself, you told her you'd come to see her and you did, in spite of being very much dead, and as for leaving her, well, you _are_ still here lad."

"But she doesn't know it," I protest. "What's the point of me being here if I can't _be_ here? Wait a second, what is she doing?"

She's getting up, frantically, and going for her laptop on the desk, and I knit my brow in confusion, wondering what the hell is going on.

"Rachel what are you doing?" Kurt asks, clearly at a loss as I am.

"There has to be someone in this city that can help me," Rachel says, opening the laptop and turning it on. "Like a medium or paranormal investigator or something."

"There's no such thing as a medium Rachel," Kurt sighs.

"Just like there's no such thing as ghosts right?" she protests, shutting him up.

"Rachel, I'm sure Finn will come back, don't you think this is a little drastic?"

"I need to talk to him again Santana," Rachel says. "When I talked to him last night it was the first time I felt even slightly okay since he died, I just, I need to do something."

"Rach you're—

But Kurt trails off as Santana shakes her head at him in a way that says, just let it go, so he lets it go.

"Okay, there's a woman who works out of the east village, her name is Emily Clark, according to this she's been communicating with the spirit world since she was a child," Rachel says pointing to the screen.

"For a pretty penny I'm guessing," Kurt says snidely.

"If you're good at something you don't do it for free," Rachel argues as she jots down the woman's information.

"Do you know anything about this woman?" Finn asks Oscar.

"No, but I do know that most people who claim to be able to converse with the dead are full of shite."

"Well, Rachel can, sometimes anyway."

"I said most, not all."

"I don't want Rachel to get swindled by some fake because of me, you must know some sort of way I can get through to her."

His face looks thoughtful at my question, and I wait in anticipation for him to give me something helpful.

"Mirrors," he finally says.

"Mirrors?" I repeat, confused.

"Whenever Steve Jobs gets bored and wants to spend a little time on earth he always likes to appear in mirrors, apparently it scares the bejeezus out of people. I tried it, didn't work but it might for you."

"Well I don't want to scare her."

"You have any better ideas?"

"I guess not," I say shrugging. "And I didn't think people could get bored in heaven."

"Well it's not as fun for some as it is for others, he'll let in pretty much anyone as long as they weren't Hitler status but depending on how honorably or dishonorably you lived your life you're granted or denied certain perks. You should see Coleman's condo, it's really quite sad."

Somehow in spite of the situation at hand I can't help but think about what he just said.

"What about me?" I say then. "How do you think heaven would be for me?"

"Well, you were nineteen lad, very little of your misdeeds are going to be held against you in the first place, and helping children find themselves through the power of music was definitely a plus, I'd say you might even get your own cloud, but I wouldn't hold your breath on getting a chariot."

"What about wings, could I get those?"

"Nobody earns wings right off the bat, you have to work for those, haven't you ever seen _It's a Wonderful Life_?"

"Wait, you have? Didn't you die before that movie was even produced?"

"We have access to every movie, television show, play, song, or book that has ever or will ever be produced. The sky screen is like super Netflix. Gene Siskel was over the moon when he found out he wouldn't have to miss _The_ _Phantom Menace_ after all, then quite depressed once he actually saw it. I swear to god once Ebert joined him up there he was nearly blue in the face having to wait so long to complain about it to him, his first words to Ebert weren't 'I missed you,' or 'welcome home', they were 'three and a half out of four stars for Phantom Menace? Were you high?'"

"Every movie?" I ask "Including the new _Hunger Games_?" I continue a little too excitedly.

"We have all four." He says, making me pause a little. "Heaven doesn't seem so bad now does it?"

"I haven't changed my mind Oscar, I'm still not going back," I protest. "If I'm going to see the new _Hunger games_ it's going to be in a movie theatre, with Rachel by my side."

"Well, let's just hope she's not dating someone else by that point," he says, shrugging.

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"I mean you're a ghost Finn, do you honestly expect her to commit to a ghost for the rest of her life? Eventually she's going to want to move on, get married, have children."

"You mean just forget about me?" I say in disbelief. "She wouldn't do that."

"Of course not Finn, she'll never forget you, she'll always love you, but the fact is she's alive and you're dead, you're just too different man," Oscar explains. "Do you think your mother ever stopped missing your father? Or your stepfather ever stopped missing Kurt's mother? They didn't, but after awhile the hurt became less and they were ready to live again, don't you want that for Rachel?"

"But I'm here, I came back for her," I say, not wanting to believe what he's saying.

"And clearly it's working out swimmingly," he says sarcastically.

"But she can still hear me sometimes right? I mean…" I trail off. He can't be right, I have to find a way to stay here with Rachel, there has to be some way I can get through to her again.

"Even if you stay Finn, she'll only ever have pieces of you, fragments," Oscar explains. "Maybe if you are able to talk to her again the unselfish thing would be to say goodbye."

At his words I simply look forward at her, she's pacing with a phone clasped to her ear, still so desperate to contact me again.

"Yes, Ms. Clark, this is Rachel Berry, I have a haunting situation that I desperately need you to look into," She says quickly.

That girl doesn't want me to say goodbye, I know she doesn't. I think as she continues to ramble on the phone.

"Yes, one O'clock would be absolutely perfect, She says before hanging up. "Okay, guys, she was able to pencil me in at one, did one of you want to come with me?"

"Why not both of us? Don't you need as much moral support as you can get?" Santana says.

"One of you has to stay in case Finn comes back," She says.

"But aren't you the only one he can talk to?" Kurt protests.

"We don't know that yet," Rachel says. "And I think one of you staying would be a good way to find out don't you?"

"So what, there has to be someone in the apartment all the time now?" Santana says.

"Santana can you please just work with me here, I think we can both agree that this is a very odd situation," Rachel argues, clearly frustrated.

Santana doesn't answer, she simply nods once.

"Okay Kurt, I guess it's you and me," Rachel says. "I'm just going to hop in the shower."

"Do you think you can take care of the leg hair issue while you're at it?" Kurt says, causing Rachel to glare at him a little.

"See?" I say. "Kurt's making catty comments about Rachel's leg hair, things can get back to normal with me here."

"If you say so son," Oscar replies, clearly unconvinced.

"Okay, she's going in the bathroom, this is my shot," I say, ignoring Oscar's look of doubt. I follow one step behind her, a little startled when she shuts the door a bit too fast for me to come in behind her, and even more startled when I phase through without even trying, I have to shake it off, it's what ghosts do after all.

I stand in front of the mirror as I watch her. I've seen her naked before so I don't feel like a creeper as she undresses. It gets foggy in here fast and her image starts to become blurry. She used to spend so long in the shower that the only thing that could force her out was the water going cold, now she's out in ten minutes, and I'm guessing needing to shave was the only reason she was in there even that long, she's in a hurry still as she steps out, and wraps herself in her bathrobe, and I brace myself as she wipes the fog from the mirror, somehow relieved when she lets out a little scream, she saw me.

"Finn!" she yells, turning and throwing herself in my arms, thankfully not going right through me. "Oh my god I was so scared, where did you go?"

"I've been here the whole time Rachel," I say, stroking her wet hair. "I just, I guess you can't hear me all the time, but I'm here."

"I saw you," she says. "I saw you in the mirror, why can't I see you now?" she continues, looking straight at me but clearly not able to see me.

"I don't know," I say, holding her tighter. "There's still so much I don't know. What did I look like?"

"It was only a split second," She says, and she smiles wide then. "But it was you, just the same as always." And I realize that I'll always be just the same, and I'm not really sure how to feel about that.

"Please Finn, please don't leave again. Just stay with me, okay?"

I want to promise her that I won't leave, put her mind at ease, but I don't know if I can.

"I'll try," are the only words I can muster.

**Please keep reading, I promise the ending will make up for the bit of angst. Stay tuned folks.**


	7. The Medium

**Bit of a plot twist here, and sorry for making you wait so long, but at least it's a long chapter.**

I can't really tell how tightly she squeezing me right now, but I have to guess it's pretty hard, and I squeeze her back, wishing I knew how long this was going to last this time.

"Come on Finn," she says, finally releasing me. "We have to tell Kurt and Santana you're back," she continues, leading me out the door before I can say another word.

"Santana, Kurt," Rachel says as she rejoins her roommates. "There's nothing to worry about, Finn came back."

"Is he like, here right now?" Santana says hesitantly.

"He's been here the whole time," Rachel says, as if she's relieved. "But I can hear him now."

"So why couldn't you before?" Kurt asks.

"I don't know," Rachel responds. "Not even Finn knows, but I'm sure that Emily can answer some of our questions, until then, is there anything either of you wanted to say to Finn?"

"Come on guys, it's okay," I say, knowing they can't really hear me.

"He says it's okay," Rachel repeats, confirming that at least she can still hear me.

They both look hesitant, scared even, but Kurt finally clears his throat and begins to speak.

"I don't know what to say," he begins. "I mean, I never really believed in this kind of thing before, and part of me still thinks that I'm strapped to a bed in a mental institution somewhere, but in any case I'm talking to you right now, and I never thought I'd be able to again."

He's getting choked up, and I wish I could give him a hug, but I know that I can't, somehow I hope he knows anyway, how much I wish things could be the way they were.

"In any case," Kurt continues, his voice shaking. "I love you big brother, I always will."

"I love you too Kurt," I say softly.

"He says he loves you too," Rachel repeats, getting a small smile out of Kurt. "What about you Santana, did you have anything you wanted to say?"

"I don't know, I mean I don't even know where to begin," Santana says nervously.

"Oh come on Santana," I tease. "Since when are you at a loss for words?"

"He says since when are you at a loss for words," Rachel says with a faint chuckle.

"Hey screw you frankenteen," Santana says, a small smile on her face.

"Santana," Rachel says with a disapproving glare.

"Sorry," Santana says sheepishly. "I guess I just wanted to say, I'm sorry you died, that sucks, I mean, you deserved a long, happy life." She continues. "And you know, I'm sorry that my last words to you were 'get bent sasquatch.'"

"It's alright Santana, I know you meant it with love," I say warmly, which Rachel repeats dutifully.

"Anyway," Santana says, wiping a stray tear. "Welcome home Finn."

"But this isn't home is it?" Oscar says behind me. "Up there is home, up there is where you belong."

"Shut it Oscar," I seethe.

"He says shut it Oscar," Rachel repeats, clearly a reflex at this point, before knitting her brow in confusion. "Wait, Finn, is Oscar here right now?"

"Oscar, who's Oscar?" Kurt asks, and I grimace in embarrassment, they were just now starting to accept that Rachel was telling the truth, the last thing I wanted was for her to look crazy.

"Nobody, he's nobody, just forget it," I say.

"Well that stings a little," Oscar says.

"He's nobody," Rachel says. "I must have misheard him."

"Hmm," Kurt says suspiciously, but he seems to have let it go.

"Anyway, it's almost one," Rachel says, changing the subject. "We can't be late for Emily."

"Wait a minute, we're still going?" Santana says. "But Finn's back."

"Yes, but for how long?" Rachel argues. "What if he goes away again? She may know how to bring him back if that happens."

"That is if she's even a real medium," Kurt says under his breath, I get it, I didn't really believe in this kind of thing either before I died, of course it would take some convincing for Kurt to get on board, and that's not to mention the fact that even though he was wrong about me, he could still be absolutely right about Emily.

"Kurt can you just support me here," Rachel says, a bit frustrated. "What do we have to lose aside from a few meaningless dollars?"

"How about this," Santana chimes in. "How about we ask Finn what he wants to do?"

Of course it would take me dying for Santana to consider my feelings about anything.

"Okay, that's a good idea. Finn, what do you think?" Rachel says, and I know she can't see me, but somehow she's looking right at me with wide eyes. "I mean, I know you want answers just as much as I do."

"You have the answers Finn," Oscar says. "You just don't like them, I can't say I blame you, still, you're just delaying the inevitable."

"I want to go," I say, ignoring Oscar. "I want to go with you."

"Okay, that settles it, Finn wants to come too," Rachel says, almost excitedly. "I'm going to go get dressed really fast and we can be on our way.

She dresses fast, not even bothering to put on makeup. And I can tell that Santana and Kurt are still hesitant, but they don't say anything as they prepare to follow her.

"Are you ready?" she asks me.

"I'm ready," I say, reaching for her hand, but my unbeating heart sinks as my hand goes right through her hand.

"Finn?" She says. "Are you ready?" she asks again.

"You can't hear me talking can you?" I say defeated.

"Oh no," Rachel sighs. "He's gone, I can't hear him anymore. We have to go, right now, we have to find out what's happening to Finn."

"Okay, we're on board," Kurt sighs.

"Finn, I can't hear you but I know you can hear me," Rachel says. "You have to come with us, if she can sense your presence we'll know she's on the level."

I know she can't see me, but I nod anyway.

"Alright, time to get some answers," Rachel says as we leave the apartment.

"Well, there's no way I'm missing this," Oscar says, following out.

* * *

According to the website her office is located in Turning Pages, a used bookstore in Greenwich. We get there a little before one, the store is almost deserted aside from a bespectacled man flipping through a Tom Clancy paperback and a girl reading Dorian Gray at the counter.

"A fan, how flattering," Oscar says of the girl.

"Hello," Rachel says, getting the girls attention. "We're here to see Emily Clark, we're a little early."

Her eyes widen at the sight of Rachel.

"I'm Emily Clark," she says, and I can't say she's what I expected, she's young, only a few years older than me and Rachel I'm guessing, with big bright eyes, flaming hair and a quarter sleeve tattoo on her arm. "It's you, you're the one with the ghost in your apartment."

"How did you know that?" Rachel says, a bit in awe.

"Because it's almost one and she has an appointment at one with a girl who has a ghost in her apartment." Kurt says snarkily, causing Rachel to shoot him a look.

"Um yes, and also because he's with you right now," Emily says.

"Wait a minute, can you see him?" Rachel says, almost excitedly.

"Tall? Late teens to early twenties? Brown hair? Freckles? Big ears?"

"Hey," I say, offended. "My ears are perfectly normal."

"It's okay, I think they're cute," Emily says.

"Oh my god, she can see him," Rachel says.

"Just because she gave a vague description of a human male doesn't mean,"

"Oh my God, oh my god this is insane, I've never seen a famous ghost before, Mr. Wilde I have to say, I'm like the biggest fan," Emily says excitedly cutting Kurt off.

"Why thank you love," Oscar says graciously.

"Wait a minute, that's the Oscar Finn was talking about?" Kurt asks. "Finn knows Oscar Wilde?"

"Apparently Oscar was the one to meet Finn on the other side," Rachel explains.

"Lucky," Kurt says under his breath.

"Dude, he's dead, how is that lucky?" Santana says.

"Emily, before we get off track, I really need your help," Rachel says frantically. "You see, Finn here was my boyfriend before he died a little over a week ago, now he's haunting my apartment."

"I see, and you're trying to get rid of him?" Emily says, a pensive look on her face.

"Exactly the opposite actually," Rachel says. "Finn has this problem, sometimes I can hear him and feel his presence just fine, but other times, he's just gone and I don't know how to get him back."

Her face falls a little at Rachel's dilemma. "How about we talk in my office?" she says, getting up.

"Oscar, why don't you stay out here," I say.

"Oh, he doesn't have to," Emily says.

"I'm sorry but we kind of have a situation on our hands that doesn't involve you fangirling over the dead guy," I explain to her.

"Fine," she pouts. "Oscar, make yourself at home, I'll be quick I promise. Grant, watch the store," she continues over to the bespectacled man, obviously not the least bit fazed by her conversing with the dead in the middle of the store.

"Wait, you mean he's not coming with us?" Kurt says a little disappointed. "But I have questions, so many questions."

"Could you focus here Kurt," I say, a little annoyed at Oscar stealing my thunder.

"Believe me, so do I," Emily says. "But this is about Rachel right now, Rachel and, what's the boyfriend's name?"

"Finn," Rachel answers.

"Rachel and Finn," Emily continues. "Right this way guys."

And at that we follow her into her tiny office. And it's different than what I expected too, no idols or incense anywhere, it's bright and well lit and there are band posters hung up on the walls and a little tv in the corner playing Breaking Bad on mute.

"The bookstore is always dead this time of day," Emily says as she takes a seat. "So, what's the story on Finn?"

"He came to me last night," Rachel explains. "And I spoke to him, I touched him, he was right there as if he'd never left."

"Except you couldn't see him?"

"No, how did you know that?"

"It's usually the case," Emily says. "Ghosts are never completely tangible," she continues, and I think that that's exactly what Oscar said before. "Finn has revealed himself though auditory and physical contact, but not visual."

"But you can see him," Rachel argues.

"I'm gifted Rachel," she says. "How do you think this bookstore stays open?"

"If you're so powerful then why don't you have a TV special or something," Santana says.

"Because I'm not in this for the fame, if enough people knew what I could do I'd never get a moments rest," she explains. "Luckily actual hauntings are extremely rare, when I go to investigate a house with a creaky floor I can bullshit my way through it enough to still make a tidy profit, but this is a very special case, thank god, I was starting to get bored."

"So you are a shyster," Kurt says.

"Not in this case," She shoots back.

"So Finn," Emily says. "Why did you decide to stick around anyway? I'm sure heaven is a lot better than this place."

"I stayed for her," I say earnestly.

"Aww, that's sweet, kind of stupid, but sweet."

"Wait, what is he saying?" Rachel cuts in.

"He stayed for you," Emily explains.

"Why is that stupid?" Rachel says.

"Because, being a ghost is an incredibly shitty existence," She explains. "Most of the time you can't communicate with anyone, you just kind of lurk around all depressed until you start to get frustrated and in some cases, malevolent."

Kurt and Santana trade worried glances at that point, and I swallow hard, but Rachel looks unfazed.

"Malevolent?" she says in disbelief. "No, Finn isn't malevolent, he's the sweetest guy ever."

"Sweetest _guy_, ghosts are a different story, the longer they stay the less like themselves they become, he's going to start to become less and less tangible until one day the only way he can make his presence known is by throwing shit and basically scaring the crap out of you every chance he gets."

"He did throw that glass before," Kurt says gently.

"But I didn't mean to scare you, I was just trying to prove that I was real," I argue.

"He was just trying to prove that he was there Kurt," Rachel says, making me think for a second she can hear me again, but I know that the word choice was merely coincidental.

"Rachel, I know this is hard to hear," Emily says carefully. "But Finn can't stay, people die for a reason."

"Finn did not die for a reason," Rachel says, tears in her eyes. "He died because some bum wanted the 17 dollars in his wallet, if that's not senseless I don't know what is."

"Wait, what?" I say, not understanding. "I didn't…"

"What's wrong Finn?" Emily says.

"I didn't die like that, I died in a plane crash, I remember it… I remember…"

"Finn it's okay, a lot of ghosts have trouble remembering how they die."

"But Rachel said it herself, I died in a plane crash, remember Rachel?"

"Rachel, why does Finn think he died in a plane crash?" Emily says, knitting her brow.

"What do you… I don't know what you mean," Rachel rambles.

"Rachel, did you dream that Finn was in a plane crash?" Emily says carefully.

"Yeah, I dreamt that the night he came to me, and a few times before that" Rachel says. "But what does that have to do with any of this?"

"Oh my god," Emily says, clearly thrown for a loop. "Your dream was Finn's last memory, you guys are…"

"Are what? What are we?" I say frantically.

"There's a reason Finn came to you, there's always a reason," Emily says. "I just didn't think it would be this."

"What is it?" I ask more firmly, needing answers.

"Looks like you two are tethered," Emily continues. "It's why he appeared to you."

"Tethered," Rachel says. "Like soulmates?"

"I'm not saying that, of course I'm not not saying that either, I didn't know the two of you," She clarifies. "What I am saying is that you're dealing with a very clingy ghost, he's latching onto you because he's afraid to pass on, he's using you as a vessel to stay alive in some way."

"I'm not afraid to pass on, that's not what this is. And I'm not using Rachel, I love Rachel," I explain.

"I know you do, you wouldn't be here if you didn't, and Finn, sweetheart, you're not the only one who's using Rachel," Emily says. "The only reason you were able to cling to her is because she allowed it to happen, she let you in, but that connection can only survive for so long. Let me guess, even when you can be heard she's the only one who can hear you right?"

"Yes," Rachel and I say unanimously.

"That's because you're not haunting the apartment Finn, you're haunting Rachel. You won't ever be able to communicate with anyone else, and after awhile you won't even be able to communicate with her, and when she's not with you…"

"What? What happens," I ask frantically.

"You disappear," Emily says. "You have no consciousness without her, her dreams are already masquerading as phony memories for you, pretty soon you won't know where you end and she begins, and she won't even know you're there at all."

I feel a little sick at what she's saying to me, that I'm basically feeding off of Rachel to stay alive, and that she's letting me.

"I still don't understand why I can't remember how I died," I say, there's actually far more I don't understand then that, but I go with the question I feel she'll have the least devastating answer to.

"Apparently you died a violent death Finn, a lot of the time when that happens the victim doesn't remember it, I like to think it's God or whoever's way of preventing vengeful spirits, you're not feeling vengeful are you?"

"Finn, it's okay," Rachel says. "They arrested him, he's going to go away for a very long time, you don't have to worry about getting your vengeance, or you know, becoming malevolent, you can stay here, with us."

"Rachel, have you not been listening," Santana says. "If Finn stays he's going to be miserable. Especially if you're not there."

"But we're different, we're connected, you said so yourself," Rachel says, tears in her throat. "I can stay with him and I can keep him safe, I can."

"Rachel, I know this is hard to deal with," Emily says. "But if you really love Finn, then you have to let him go."

"I'm sorry, I can't hear any more of this," Rachel says tearfully, standing up. "Thank you so much for your time Emily but I have to go, I'm so sorry.

"Rachel wait," Emily says, standing, but before she can get too far the three of them have left, but I stay behind.

"Finn, you better follow her unless you want to pretty much evaporate off of the face of the Earth," She says.

"I can't believe this is happening," I say sadly.

"I know, but you know I'm right Finn."

"Yeah," I say hesitantly. "I know."

* * *

She hasn't stopped crying since we got back, I think if I went in there she'd be able to hear me again, I touched the books on Kurt's shelf and my hand didn't go through them, but instead of racing in to talk to Rachel I retreated to the fire escape with his copy of Dorian Gray, deciding to drown my sorrows in a book about another man who wanted desperately not to die. I'm nothing like this Dorian guy, I think as I read, but I can totally understand the wanting to be immortal thing.

I don't look up from the book as Oscar joins me on the fire escape.

"That Emily is quite a girl," Oscar says. "Do you know she started seeing ghosts before she could talk? Really gives a new meaning to the term imaginary friend doesn't it?"

"You know, this is pretty good," I say, closing the book. "You're a really good writer."

"You're very kind lad," Oscar says. "I just wish you weren't so damned stubborn."

"Why do you care whether I go with you or not? What's next, are you going to say that god has plans for me?" I say bitterly.

"Well what if he does lad?" Oscar says. "There's so much more to this life than what's on Earth, God needs a lot of help keeping it all in order, he needs good people Finn, not practical heathens like me."

"Is that why he wiped my memory?" I say, still upset.

"Finn the less reasons for you to stay here the better," Oscar explains. "Maybe the whole thing about making you forget you were murdered was bad but his heart was in the right place."

"How did it really happen, do you know? I mean, I know you're not God or anything but you seem to know a lot."

"You were getting out of the cab on your way to Rachel's apartment when you were stopped by a mugger, you handed over your wallet without a moment's hesitation and the bloke shot you anyway, you died in New York City lad." Oscar explains.

I nod, understanding. "I never would have gone after him, I came for her."

"Exactly, you don't remember getting shot so there's no vengeance in your heart, only love."

"Well a lot of good that did me," I groan. "If God wants me so bad why did he let me go after Rachel in the first place?"

"I guess, because he knew you'd end up making the right choice eventually, before it was too late."

"I can't leave her Oscar," I say.

"Finn, what makes you so crazy about this Rachel girl?" Oscar asks. "I mean aside from the magnificent nose that is?"

"Well, you've seen her, she's amazing, she's the most talented girl I've ever met, the most passionate, the strongest—

"There, right there Finn," Oscar says, cutting me off as he takes a seat next to me. "You just told me that Rachel is the strongest person you've ever met."

"She is," I say.

"Then what makes you so sure that she can't go on without you?" I have to look at him at that point, not angrily.

"She loves so much," I finally say, brokenly. "More than anyone I've ever known, it's why losing me was so painful for her, she holds onto everything with all of the strength that she has and that's a lot. It's as she thought if she loved me enough she could never lose me, how can I let her think that she was wrong?"

"If she loves you as much as you say, than she can't lose you, not really," Oscar says "I think you know that Finn. She'll know it too once the pain becomes less, you'll see."

"But I won't, because I won't be here, I won't be here Oscar," I say, raising my voice a little.

"Finn, it's not her you're worried about," Oscar says. "It's you, you're scared."

"I'm not scared," I scoff.

"Of course you are lad," he says. "You died at nineteen and now you're afraid of your life being lived without you, it's understandable, but I'm telling you now that there's something more out there for you."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you Finn," And I knit my brow in confusion at his answer.

"But, you just met me," I sat confusedly.

"Why do you think I know so much about you Finn?"

"I don't know, because undead guys have special powers I thought."

"We do, but that's not the reason, you know how I told you that celebrities like to take the newly dead to the other side?"

"Yeah."

"Well that was quite a load of bollocks we couldn't care less about most of you."

"Then why did you come to me?"

At that point he looks through the window, and I follow his gaze to realize that it isn't Rachel he's looking at.

"Kurt?" I say.

"He started talking to me when he was eleven," Oscar explains. "And it's not like flamboyant repressed homosexuals never talk to me, I get it a lot actually, but something about Kurt stood out. I suppose part of it was him being so young, because imagine my surprise when I decide to listen in on earth one day and hear this bright eyed little boy talking to me like I was bloody father Christmas, asking me for things."

"Like what?"

"Courage mostly, and hats." Oscar says. "But mostly he just talked to me, told me about his day, about his hardships, about his family, about his life. Even when he stopped believing in God he never stopped talking to me, until one day of course he did."

"When?" I say.

"His first day living in New York City," Oscar says. "I don't think it's that he stopped believing that I could hear him, to be honest I don't think he ever really did, I think at that point he just knew that he didn't really need me anymore. Until one day, after almost a year had passed I heard his voice again."

"What did he say?" I ask him.

"Six words," Oscar begins. "Oscar, please take care of Finn."

I look at Kurt again after Oscar finishes his story, and a small smile reaches my lips.

"I could have let you go it alone lad, I wanted to in fact," Oscar continues. "But then I realized how little I'd actually managed to do for that struggling young man, I couldn't stop him from being bullied, I couldn't bring back his mom, I couldn't make Sam Evans love him, but the day you died I knew that there was one thing I could do. And you know what, I must say, I'm quite glad I did."

"Oscar," I say, still looking at Kurt. And I can't believe the words that are about to come out of my mouth, but I can't contain them anymore, because I knew in my heart how this would all end, I just couldn't accept it, but now I don't think I have any other choice. I just hope that Rachel is as strong as I think she is, I hope they all are, but I'm thinking I don't really have anything to worry about. "I think I'm ready."

"Ready for what lad?"

"I think it's time for me to move on."

**Two Chapters and an epilogue to go, Stay Tuned Folks.**


	8. The End

"What? That's it?" Oscar asks, clearly perplexed. "You mean all this time all I needed to do was tell you a sappy story about your brother and you would come quietly?"

"No, I get it, I totally get it," I say, scrambling up from my sitting position on the floor. "Kurt told you to take care of me Oscar, on some level even Kurt, the one that doesn't even believe in God knew that I was still out there somewhere, eventually he would have been able to move on knowing that, just like he did with his mom, just like they all would have at some point… even Rachel."

"So you're saying…"

"I'm saying I didn't stay for them," I admit. "I stayed for me, I stayed because I couldn't bear the thought of not being here anymore, of being away from my friends and my mom and the girl I was going to marry. I couldn't do it, but if I want them to be okay, then maybe I have to."

It's true, it's overwhelmingly, excruciatingly true, if they're going to move on with their lives and learn to be happy again one day then I have to go. If I stay here, Rachel will never be able to let me go, I know her and I know that on some level she'll always be clinging to those few fleeting moments she'll be able to talk to me, committing fully to a half life with me when she deserves so much more, the thought of leaving her breaks my heart, but not as much as the thought of her resenting me one day because I won't let her move on, and she'll have every right to resent me, I would resent me. It's like Emily said, if she really loves me then she'll let me go, I think that goes for me too. If I really love Rachel, I have to let her live… without me.

"Well I must say I thought you'd never come to your senses lad," Oscar says, a smile on his lips. "What are we waiting for? Let's get out of this God forsaken place, I must say heaven's spoiled me, and I've loved every second."

"Wait, I can't just go," I protest.

"Would you stop with the mixed messages, it's rather annoying," he says, rubbing his brow in frustration.

"I have to say goodbye, they need closure, if I can't give them that they'll always be wondering if I'm going to come back."

"I suppose you're right, but make it fast."

"Okay," I say finally, getting ready to do the right thing, no matter how much it kills me. "Here goes."

There's a creak as I walk into Rachel's room, I don't know whether it's me or if it's just an old building that creaks sometimes, but either way she jumps at the sound.

"Finn? Finn are you there," she says frantically, and I'm more convinced than ever that this is the right thing, she can't live like this, always on edge wondering when I'm going to show up next.

"Rachel, Rach can you hear me?" I ask carefully, she doesn't respond, I'm guessing the floor wasn't me. I sit down next to her then, watching, waiting.

"Finn, I don't know if you hear me, or if you're even here right now, but there's something that I have to say," She says.

"Please say that you understand that I have to go," I say under my breath, but she still doesn't hear me because she continues to speak.

"I know you're scared about what Emily said, but I'm telling you now that she's wrong okay, you're not doomed to a lonely life, as long as you're with me I'll make sure that you're never alone, ever because you're here and it's my job to take care of you, and I will, I promise.

"Rachel," I say softly, again not getting through.

"We're going to be so so happy, I promise you that, I know it seems impossible now, but we will, we can still do everything you wanted to do when you were alive Finn," she says as if she's trying to convince herself more than me, and it's not quite working. "It's just going to take some adjustments, but you know, that's life right? Nothing worth doing is ever easy."

"Rachel," I say again, a little more loudly, my eyes squeezing shut as her words continue to cut me like harsh, angry ones never could.

"I love you so much and I know that you were right, when you said we were meant to be together, because we were, I knew that from the first moment I saw you and I know that now more than ever."

"Rachel!" I say loudly, almost yelling, making her jump, I scared her again, it was only a matter of time, but this will be the last time, it has to be.

"Finn," she says, her fear dissolving into relief. "Did you hear me? Did you hear what I said?"

"I did," I say brokenly. "And it was beautiful Rachel, but..."

"No, there are no buts," she says stubbornly, because I think she knows exactly what's coming. "We can do this, we can Finn, I mean if anyone can do this it's us."

"I have to go baby," I say miserably. "I can't let you keep doing this, I can't let you keep waiting for me."

"No, no you can't, you can't go, you can't do this to me again," she says frantically. And I touch her cheek then, noticing how she shivers a little.

"Rachel, I want you to think, I want you to really think about what me staying here will mean for you," I continue, trying my best to stay strong when all I really want to do is take her into my arms and promise to never leave her again.

"It'll mean that I have you," she says tearfully. "What can be better than that?"

"Having a life," I answer, "A real life, the one you deserve. I mean, don't you want to get married, have kids, all that stuff you've always talked about?" and as much as the thought of Rachel getting married and having children with anyone else absolutely kills, it doesn't hurt as much as the thought of her spending the rest of her life alone because of me.

"No, not anymore, not if I can't have those things with you," she protests.

"You say that now, but sooner or later the thought of living without me isn't going to hurt you so much and you'll want all of those things again, and you deserve them Rachel, more than anyone I know, and I'm so sorry that I was so selfish, that I tried to keep you from moving on, but I can't anymore, I have to face the fact that you have no future with me Rachel, and I can't take your chance away from you."

The look on her face right now breaks my heart, but I have to be strong, I can't surrender to this.

"Remember the train station?" I continue.

"Of course I remember," she cries. "I let you go and I can't do that again."

"Rachel, you let me go because as much as you loved me, and you've always loved me more than I ever thought anyone as amazing as you ever could, you knew that on some level it wasn't really the end, that we'd find each other again but first, you had to figure out who you were without me, and that's what I'm asking you to do now, I need you to be strong and believe that this isn't the end, that this is only the beginning for you and that someday, when you're ready to go, I'll be right there waiting. But until then you have to live your life for you, you have to be the inspiration, you have to change the world like you've always dreamed of, like I always knew you would, the way you changed me Rachel."

"But it's not fair," She cries, angrily. "I shouldn't get to change the world if you didn't get to, it's not fair, you deserved to live, you deserved to be happy."

"I was happy," I assure her. "You made me happier than I ever thought I could be, even if it was just for a little while, I got to love Rachel Berry, as far as I'm concerned that's better than any old dope that got to grow old."

At that she smiles through her tears, like I knew she would.

"Rachel," I continue. "Why do you think you dreamed of a plane crash? I mean, knowing the way I actually died?"

"I don't know," She says, still crying. "I guess I just always thought if you had to go, you'd go out soaring."

"And on fire I guess," I joke.

"Sorry about that," she chuckles. "I guess my subconscious works in mysterious ways."

"I think it made sense though, the flying part," I tell her. "I always did love to fly."

"I know, you were so excited that first time we went to New York, you told me you wished you could just sit out on the wing and feel the wind in your hair," she recalls. "I'm sorry that I ruined flying for you, you know, making you think that's how you died."

"That's the thing Rachel, you didn't ruin it," I assure her, and she smiles weakly. "In fact I should thank you, going down flying is a lot better than being shot, in fact I remember the plummeting being kind of a rush, before, you know, I died."

"Finn," se says, her face going serious. "Do you really not remember anything about that night?"

"No, the last thing I remember is being on the plane."

"Well, it's funny, the last thing you did before you died was to call me," she says, her voice breaking with every word. "You told me you were on your way, that you wanted to pick up a bottle of tequila before you came because you stopped getting carded at 15 and you wanted it to be the funnest visit ever, your exact words, and you sounded so happy, so unlike the last time you visited me in New York, and I was happy because I thought that it would be different this time, that you would want to stay, if not then then when you finished college, I started to have hope for us again… and then…" She shrugs at the last words.

"I'm sorry Rachel, I'm sorry I didn't stay."

"You told me you loved me at the end of it," she continues. "It wasn't even a serious I love you, it was flippant, like a reflex, like you never stopped saying it at the end of your phone calls, and for some reason that was so much better, it was like you were mine again."

"I was," I tell her. "I always was Rachel."

"But you're not anymore," She cries. "You never came to the apartment that night, and I was so afraid you changed your mind again, that something happened that shook your confidence and you decided to leave, but you didn't, you died two blocks away from the apartment, you kept your promise, you came to see me, you decided you were ready to be with me only for it to be too late, and it's just so unfair."

I swallow hard at her words, knowing how hard that must have been for her, but somehow her story only leaves me with one question.

"Did you say it back?" I ask quietly.

"I love you?" She asks, and I nod. "Of course I said it back, it's how I felt, it's how I always felt, it's how I always will feel."

"Rachel, you have to understand something," I say. "You told me you loved me right before I died, I died knowing that."

"I don't understand what you mean," she says, confused.

"I died happy Rachel," I say.

"Because I told you that I loved you?" She says smiling through her tears. "That's all it took?"

"That's all," I say. "I need you to believe that, and I need you to let me go."

"What if I can't?" she cries.

"You can, you're strong Rachel, nobody knows that better than me."

"It's going to take a lot more than strong to be without you Finn, a _lot_ more and I'm not sure if I can do it, I'm…"

"It's okay babe, you can tell me," I say softly.

"I'm scared," she says. "Everything is different now, everything I've been dreaming about for the past four years is gone and I don't know if I can move on from that, I don't even know if I want to."

"It's okay to be scared, I'm scared too," I say. "But you'll be okay, I promise you that, and that's a promise I know that I can keep."

"This is real isn't it?" She cries. "You're really leaving, and you're not coming back?"

"I don't think I can Rachel," I say sadly. "I think if I really love you, I can't come back."

Her face scrunches in anguish, and the tears fall freely from her eyes and I know then what's coming next, what she probably realized back at Emily's but didn't want to face then.

"And if I really love you, then I have to set you free," She says, the realization clearly paining her. "You deserve to be in heaven Finn, with Oscar, and your dad and Judy Garland, I mean, if anything I'm the one being selfish, keeping you here aren't I?"

I pull her close then, letting her bury herself in my embrace.

"Nothing about you is selfish," I tell her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," She cries. "And I'm going to miss you every day."

"So am I."

"Do you think you can stay, just a little while longer?" She says. And at that I smile before I kiss her, once softly, then deeper, I won't be able to kiss her again for a really long time, so I savor it. After a lifetime that still isn't long enough I break the kiss and lay myself down with her still in my arms, I'll stay until she falls asleep, how ever long that might be.

"When you wake up, tell Santana and Kurt goodbye, and that I love them, can you do that?" I say softly.

"I can do that," she says snuggling into me closer, and I shut my eyes too, not really sleeping, but relaxed, comfortable, at peace.

She falls asleep a little after four AM, so soundly that she doesn't stir as I move away, probably because she's not really touching me anymore, I can't touch her, or kiss her, but I watch her for a moment before I go, knowing that she'll get through this, and somehow, so will I.

Oscar waits where I left him, on the fire escape, and he doesn't even look upset that I left him waiting out there so long.

"Is it time lad?" he says softly.

"Almost, there's just one more stop I wanted to make."

* * *

She's sleeping when I get there, but it's not hard to see that she's still been crying nonstop with the wrinkled up Kleenex on her nightstand, I'm glad Burt's there, his arms wrapped solidly around her as she sleeps, he'll help her through this.

"Hey mom," I say softly as I take a seat at the corner of her bed. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, I guess it wouldn't have made much of a difference, you probably can't hear me, but I hope somehow this gets through to you anyway. I love you, so much and I'm so sorry I had to leave so soon, you didn't deserve that, especially since you had to lose dad too. But I want you to know that I'm going to be okay, I'm going to be well taken care of and you, you'll be okay too. It may not seem like it now, but you will be. And I can't wait to see you smile again one day when I'm watching from heaven. That's right mom, it's real, and that's where I'm going, that's where dad is, and that's where you'll go one day too, and when you come I promise I'll have a nice dessert prepared for you and I'll even wear that sweater you gave me, I'm taking it with me so don't get freaked out when you can't find it... I love you."

"I love you too, honey," she says sleepily, her eyes still closed, and I smile even wider, not sure if she actually heard me or was simply dreaming, but I like to think somehow she heard me.

"Alright Oscar, time to go," I say, standing up hesitantly. I don't know for sure what's waiting for me on the other side, not beyond anything Oscar told me, but for once I'm feeling optimistic.

"So, what do you want to do when you get there lad? I highly recommend Cloud Nine, it's the best nightclub in the universe," Oscar asks as we make our way back into the darkness, the darkness I suppose was always waiting just there, the darkness that will lead to the light.

"Actually, I think I want to see my dad," I say. "And what about Sprinkles, is she there? I mean do dogs go to heaven?"

"Of course lad, dogs are far better people than humans, why wouldn't they go?"

"Awesome," I say. "She was the cutest thing, I wonder if she'll remember me."

"Don't worry, even if she doesn't she's a bloody dog, scratch her belly she'll love you forever."

"So," I say after a pause. "About those wings…"

"What about them?" Oscar says coolly.

"What do I have to do, you, know to get a pair of my own?"

"You're not even in heaven yet and you're already asking me about wings? A little ambitious don't you think?"

"Well, I always lacked ambition when I was alive, I'm thinking it's time I start dreaming big," I say, shrugging. "I mean, I guess it's really never too late to make Rachel proud of me, right?"

"Well it's not easy lad, it's one of the few things in heaven that isn't. Many good people have spent lifetimes trying."

"Well, it's what I want," I say. "Rachel dreamed of me flying, I want to make that dream come true, you know without the whole thing about me being on fire."

"Being on fire is a pretty big part of the job actually, you'll find out what I mean soon enough, Bruce has the craziest stories."

"Any Bruce I would know?" I ask.

"Bruce Lee," he clarifies.

"Bruce Lee is an Angel?" I say, knitting my brow.

"He's one of the top ones," Oscar continues.

"Huh," I say thoughtfully. "I guess the part about fire did make sense then. That's what her dream meant, I know it."

"Well, I can't say your enthusiasm isn't a bit charming," Oscar says, shrugging. "It's far from the only requirement but it's certainly a plus."

_Don't worry Rachel,_ I think to myself as the light begins to appear, the light at the end of the tunnel, the light I no longer reject. _You'll see me again one day, and when you do, I'll be soaring._

**In spite of the title of this chapter and the way it ended there's still one chapter and an epilogue left to go, Stay Tuned folks!**


	9. The Beginning

**I don't always use faceclaims in fanfics, but sometimes I think it's sort of fun when writing an OC, in this case the faceclaim for Hillary is Amanda Crew, since that's who came to mind when writing, anyway enjoy the last chapter before the epilogue.**

I hate it here, I truly do. I can understand now why people compare everything bad in life to being in this place. It fits, but I made a commitment the day I was granted these wings, a commitment to make sure that the unspeakable evil that resides in this place, the thousands of generations of cold blooded murderers, rapists and general bad seeds stay where they belong. Because apparently escaping hell is possible, that's where I come in.

I can feel pain here, not even god really protects me from that, I guess I can't blame him, the guy's got a lot to do, still, doesn't make it suck any less, especially since this guy, with his razor sharp wings and saber-like talons can cause a lot of it.

He roars loudly as he sweeps past me, nearly taking my head off with his weaponized wings, I kind of wish I had a pair of my own in this situation, it's cool being able to fly and everything, but I have to admit their usefulness kind of ends there, but at least I have my sword, and after fifty seven earth years of training you better believe that I know how to use it.

"How many times do I have to send your sorry ass back to hell huh?" I say swinging my sword hard down on one of his wings. "You can't just murder innocent children and expect not to get punished for it." He simply screeches more as he flies toward me, with a little more struggle now that I've damaged his wing, but still no less fixated on taking my head off. "I know eternity sounds a little harsh," I continue nearly out of breath. "But that's what happens when you dedicate your life to evil, you couldn't have been that surprised at where you ended up."

He flies at me again, once again nearly slashing me in half with his massive wing, but not before I can hack the rest of it clean off of his body, sending him to the ground.

"What did you expect?" I continue, approaching him as he wildly stumbles over the fiery rocks. "You'd escape this place and possess some defenseless human? You know that's the only way you can survive up there." Before he can scamper away I've driven my sword through his remaining wing trapping him on the ground. "Pretty lame way to go I say."

"Finn?" As I hear Morgan's voice behind me I sigh a little, of course he'd come for me now, I guess I can't have anymore fun with this one. "You might want to wrap this up."

"Until next time," I say yanking my sword out of the demons wing and forcefully kicking him back into the fiery pit where he belongs.

"What's on your mind Morgan?" I say, sheathing my sword and combing my long hair away from my face with my fingers, feeling the sweat on my brow. Morgan and I have always been closer than the other Archangels, having gotten our wings at the same time, we respect each other, so I know he wouldn't bother me on a mission unless it were important. Besides, He probably figured I wouldn't have my hands too full with the same demon I've vanquished four times before.

"Kurt wants you," Morgan says, as we make our way through the portal, and it feels good to feel the cool air again as we reenter heaven's gates. "You know he can't leap dimensions otherwise he would have come for you himself."

If this is a message from Kurt I know it's important, otherwise he would have simply waited until I got home.

"Thanks Morgan," I say, not speaking another word before taking to the sky. I know where to find him, he succumbed to cancer just last year in earth time, and the newly dead always spend a lot of time in front of their personal skyscreen, looking down on relatives, he had been watching Blaine sleep before I left.

The skyscreen is massive, everyone has their own and it shows you whatever you want to see, but if you want to see what your friends are seeing, they have to grant permission first. I find him standing on the floating platform, his hand on one chin, staring up, a pensive look on his face.

"What's the problem Kurt?" I say clapping him on the back.

"Finn, you have to look at this."

I look where he's looking and suddenly the picture goes from blank to the image of a living room in a cozy house, a house I recognize quite well. There's a big red couch in the middle of it, and a woman sleeps there, a tiny little thing with gray hair pulled into a ponytail and smile lines around her eyes framed with glasses that are a bit too big for her face, she's wearing a pink fleece nightgown and her small feet are bare and with pink polish on her toes, and in her tiny, wrinkled, slightly spotted hands she holds two knitting needles, I know this woman well, I've known her her whole life, I've watched her grow old, and seeing her always makes me smile.

"Aww, how cute, she fell asleep knitting again," I say with a slight chuckle.

"Finn, look closer," he says darkly, pointing, and as I squint a little at the image in the sky I see what he means and I swallow hard.

"I don't think she's sleeping Finn," Kurt says sadly, squeezing my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

I let out a sharp breath. She turned 76 this year. It's old, don't get me wrong, but still too young to die, there's still a lot she wanted to accomplish, I know that because I know her, she was still writing her memoir, still awaiting the birth of her youngest son's first child, she still hadn't won the Oscar, but there she is, lying on her couch, gone in an instant.

"Finn? Are you okay?" Kurt asks again.

"Yeah," I say with a sad smile. "She lived a good, happy life, I mean, it's her time right?"

"And at least you get to see her again, I mean, I know you always feel bad about being happy when someone dies, but I think in this case you can be a little happy."

And at his words it dawns on me, Rachel, the Rachel I kissed goodbye 57 years ago, is coming, she's coming here because there's nowhere else she can go, and suddenly my sadness is replaced with a rush of excitement, not to mention utter panic.

"Oh my God," I say rubbing my beard as I pace the floating platform frantically. "I guess I never really thought this day would come, I mean I knew it would, but I just didn't think it would be now, I mean, what do I do?"

"You're asking me?" Kurt says sarcastically. "You've been here a lot longer than I have, you've been through this with your mom, Burt, Santana, Mr. Schue, and me.

"I know, I know, but this is different," I say, still pacing. "This is Rachel, I'm at a loss, I have no idea where to even go from here?"

"Well, I guess you can start by telling Hillary," Kurt suggests, and I know that he's right, she'll want to know, she _will_ know eventually, and I don't say a single word before I let myself fall off of the platform and let the wind take me once again.

"You're welcome!" Kurt yells after me, but I don't respond, the next few minutes are critical.

She's sitting at the window when I arrive, reading a fantasy novel that won't be published on earth for another forty one years, I'll never get it, she practically lives in a fantasy novel, but she says she likes to see how humans think of magic, and sometimes when she's feeling especially creative she'll wish for the creatures that exist in those books to appear, only the winged ones have that kind of power here, and even I was a little impressed the time she rode a unicorn across the pink clouds. I smile a little at the sight of her, the most beautiful angel in heaven, and somehow I still have a hard time believing that she's real, and an even harder time believing that she's mine.

"Hey," she says with a big smile as she closes her book. "How was the battle?"

"Won," I say simply. "How's your book?"

"Awesome," She says, beaming. "I can't wait for this guy to get here so I can pick his brain."

"Yeah, the wishing death on people you want to meet, kind of creepy," I say carefully.

"I was born dead, remember?" She says shrugging. "Excuse me for not getting all misty eyed every time someone down there kicks the bucket."

"About that," I start, wondering where to begin.

"Oh no," She says, sighing, she knows this look well, it was the same one I had the day my mom met me here, but probably more intense than even that. "Who is it this time?"

I let out a nervous breath before speaking. "It's Rachel."

The look on her face is about what I suspect, shocked, because I'm sure she never thought this day would come either.

"Oh my god," she says, pacing the floor frantically, her long golden brown hair and sparkling wings nearly catching the air with the quickness of her movements. "This is big, I mean, this is huge."

"I know," I agree.

"Wow," She says, sitting down again. "This changes everything, I mean, it's been just you and me for so long."

"I know," I say again.

"Is it weird, is it strange that I'm nervous to meet her?" She says frantically. "I know I should be more of an adult about this but I just feel like I'm not prepared for this at all."

"Hill, listen to me, it's going to be okay," I say, grabbing her shoulders, but I almost feel like I'm trying to calm myself down more than her. "I know that she's going to love you every bit as much as I do."

"But she's not going to expect me," Hillary protests. "I mean, you didn't."

"You're right, I didn't, you were the last thing I ever expected but I adjusted, and I'm glad I did because you are now and will always be the best thing that's ever happened to me Hill."

She reminds me of Rachel when she smiles, like now, she's nothing like Rachel really, she's tall, and a little shy sometimes and a bit sarcastic in the way Rachel never was, but when she smiles, all I see is Rachel, and I know that that's not the reason I love her so completely, or not the only reason anyway, but I have to admit it doesn't hurt.

"God, you can be so cornball sometimes," she says rolling her eyes, the smile still on her face against its will.

"I love you too," I say warmly.

"So you think I should go, to the dark place?" she suggests. "I mean, the faster we get this out there the easier it's going to be right?"

"Well, she still doesn't know you yet, I think she'll understand this whole thing a lot more if I'm there to help explain it to her, don't you?"

"Yeah," she agrees.

"Okay Hill, be back soon," and I leave her with a kiss on the forehead.

* * *

I haven't been here since the last time, since I came for my mom, but with all of the people close to Rachel that have died before her time came, I still feel that it's best that I'm here now, I've been away from her for the longest, and I've loved her every day since, I know that things are different now, that she lived this beautiful life that had nothing to do with me, but I know through it all that she still thought of me from time to time, sometimes she even talked to me, she did so as recently as a few days ago, and every year on my birthday she visited central park where my ashes were scattered, and left a rose for me, the only year she missed it was the year her first son was born, and as soon as she got out of the hospital she made it up to me, she even dedicated her Tony award to me, she didn't mention me by name, because she had started dating Henry at the time, but I knew what it meant when she kissed the trophy up to the sky. So all of these years she never stopped thinking about me, and I never stopped thinking about her, so I think it makes sense that I'm here.

I crouch down beside her small body, placing a light hand on her white hair and smiling a little.

"Time to wake up sleeping beauty," I whisper softly, and her eyes flutter open a second later.

"Finn?" she says softly, her voice has gone a bit gravelly with age, but I know from her performance at last year's Academy Awards that her voice is still phenomenal.

"It's me Rach," I say softly, and I'm not sure what I expect her to do, to smile or cry or simply look confused, but she always was unpredictable, and I still don't know what to expect as she slowly stands up, her glasses falling away from her face, and I follow her movements, standing on my feet, towering over her even more than I did when we were both teenagers.

"It _is_ you," She says in almost a whisper, and I can't get out another word before he yanks me down by my shirt, so hard I feel as if my neck might snap, and she kisses me full on the mouth.

"Whoa," I say as she lets me up for air. "You still got it."

"You're damn right I do," She says. "Sorry to be so forceful, it's just been awhile since I kissed a handsome young stud like you."

"Pretty sure I'm older than you," I say teasingly.

"Well you look just the same as you always did," she says warmly. "Albeit a good deal scruffier."

"Yeah, it's this new thing I'm trying," I say stroking my beard. "All the better to intimidate demons."

"I like it," she says. "Makes you look tough. Although I have to say the physique isn't hurting in that department, you've always had a great body but this is just unfair." she continues, giving my sculpted arm a little squeeze.

"Yeah, archangel training is a bitch but I can't say it doesn't get results." I say with a smile.

"I'm sorry I'm not what you remember," she says, looking down at her wrinkled hands. "Usually when I dream of you I'm beautiful again."

"First of all, you're as beautiful as you ever were," I say, making her smile. "Second, I know what you look like, I've been watching over you ever since I died, not in a creepy way or anything, just checking up every once in a while."

"Did you see that I dedicated my Tony to you?"

"Yeah, thank you for that," I say, smiling wider, and my smile fades as I remember what the third of all is.

"Thirdly," I continue darkly. "This sort of isn't a dream."

At that her smile fades too. "Oh," she says simply. "I see."

"I'm very sorry Rachel, I know this is a lot to take in," I say as comfortingly as I can. "But take all the time you need to process.

She begins pacing the floor then, clearly deep in thought. She doesn't look depressed, just pensive.

"I'm not sure what to think, I mean I really thought I had more time left, I mean…"

"I know you really wanted that Oscar Rachel, but I saw your movie I think you have a shot at getting it posthumously."

"No, you don't understand," she says, stopping. "This isn't about the Oscar, I'm dead, and I should be miserable, I know but…"

"But what?"

And her smile returns then, wider and brighter than before. And she launches herself into my arms, hugging me tight.

"Oh Finn," she says as I hold her. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too," I say, squeezing her tighter. "Every day," And I set her back down, but still hold her hand tightly in mine.

"Oh Finn, look at you," She says in a way that makes me think she would be crying if she could. "You have wings, oh, you're beautiful sweetheart."

"This place has taken pretty good care of me over the years."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" She says excitedly. "I want to see everyone, I want to see my dads, and my grandparents and Kurt, oh how is Kurt is he settling in alright?"

"Kurt is just fine, he misses you too."

"Can you take me to them Finn?" She says excitedly.

"I will, I promise, but…"

"But what?"

"Rachel," I say, taking a deep breath. "There's someone I want you to meet, someone very special."

As I take her into the light I know what to expect, but she doesn't, and she reacts about the same way my mom did when everything kind of resets itself, her gray hair goes dark again, her cataracts disappear to reveal her warm brown eyes, her smile lines fade, her hands become smooth, and I know she doesn't see what's happening, but she can certainly feel it, and she seems a bit startled and she touches her face frantically.

"Finn, did everything just get tighter?" she says, touching her face.

"Well, eternal youth _is _kind of one of the perks for the really good ones," I explain to her.

"I was one of the good ones?" she says proudly.

"You were one of the great ones," I assure her.

"Well," I've always believed in aging gracefully, rejecting plastic surgery and whatnot, but I have to say, I could probably get used to this," She says, looking down at her smooth new form.

I grab her hand in mine again as we continue into the light, and a smile immediately reaches my lips as I see her there, waiting for us.

"Rachel," I say taking Hillary's hand in my free one. "This is Hillary, Hillary, Rachel."

I know she's still nervous, but somehow she still beams at the sight of Rachel, because how could she not?

"Oh my god," Hillary says, her voice choked. "I can't believe it's really you."

"I'm sorry sweetheart," Rachel says as if she's still an old woman addressing a teenager, although physically they're nearly the same age. "May I ask who you are?"

"Rachel, Hillary is kind of…" There's really no way to say this but just to say it, god knows explaining it is going to be enough of a challenge. "She's…"

"I'm your daughter," Hillary finally says. And Rachel's face is about as confused as I expect.

"I, I had a daughter?" She says, perplexed.

"Actually, we had a daughter," I say carefully.

"What?" She says frantically. "But how? When?"

"You know the night of Mr. Schue's wedding?" I explain. "Kurt told me there was a time you thought you might be pregnant, well as it turns out, you were."

"For three and a half weeks," Hillary continues. "But what you thought was a false alarm turned out to be a missed miscarriage. So instead of being born on earth I was born here."

Rachel still doesn't speak, her eyes are wide and her mouth is agape as she shifts her gaze between the two of us.

"And imagine my surprise when I go to see my dad and he hands me a baby with wings," I continue. "I didn't know what to think except that she was mine, and yours and that I loved her, and I know this is a lot of news for one day but I really hope that you can accept this."

"And that one day you may be able to love me too," Hillary continues, tears in her eyes.

"So…" Rachel says, her voice withdrawn, her eyes still wide. "Does this mean I was wrong to vote pro choice all those times?"

And at that Hillary simply giggles. "No, it only means that some babies weren't meant to be born the usual way, I was meant for something else, and as much as I would have loved getting to know you on earth I have to say, being born in heaven is pretty ridiculously awesome, you get wings right off the bat and God totally dotes on you, he lets me call him Paul."

"He makes me call him sir," I say a bit bitterly.

"God's name is Paul?" Rachel asks, still a little in shock.

"Yup, and he's black," Hillary says. "Not that that's a big deal or anything, it's just a lot of people tend to be surprised by that."

Rachel doesn't respond, she simply walks up a bit closer to Hillary and she looks at me and I smile encouragingly, and she looks back at her daughter, _our_ daughter, the one she lived her whole life never knowing that she had, and her face breaks out into a small smile.

"You really are mine aren't you?" She says, placing her hands tentatively on Hillary's cheeks. "I mean, I know that's impossible but… I see it. Did you see it too Finn?" She continues

"From the very first moment I saw her," I say quietly.

"Oh my God!" Rachel says, pulling the taller girl into her embrace. "This is like some kind of miracle, I've always wanted a daughter. I mean I was going to adopt one from Nigeria but this little boy at the orphanage there ran up and hugged me around the knees and that kind of settled it. But now, I mean I have a little girl, I have this whole time."

"Well, I'm not so little anymore mom," she says, wiping her eyes. "But I do have wings, not everyone's kid can say that."

"Rachel! Oh my god you're here" And Rachel breaks the embrace as Kurt runs up to her.

"Kurt!" she yells back greeting him with a hug.

"I see you met your baby that never was," He continues.

"I have, and she's amazing," Rachel says, squeezing the girl's hand.

"Well you'll be happy to know we all love her," Kurt confirms. "Especially the granddads.

"Where are they anyway?" Rachel says. "I've missed them both so much."

"They're sprucing up your new place, I saw it, it's huge, I think that NPO you started in Finn's name really scored you some brownie points with the big guy," Kurt says.

"Well we have to go see them," Rachel says.

"Don't be freaked out that they both look twenty one," I say.

"Yeah, I assure you they're both still crotchety old men at heart," Kurt says.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Rachel says. "Wait, and Santana, where's Santana?"

"She got a little restless so she decided to go the reincarnation route," I explain. "But she got reborn as a butterfly so she should be back here in a couple of days."

"So you're saying reincarnation is real too?" Rachel asks.

"Yup, Kurt Hummel was actually my fourth life, I was also Alexander The Great, Harvey Milk and a Pterodactyl, and I remember every one of them."

"Yep, Uncle Kurt was pretty much gay in all of his past lives," Hillary teases.

"Including when I was the Pterodactyl," Kurt says. "That was interesting."

"So, I guess Rachel Berry was my first life, I'm not being flooded with any memories."

"It's okay," I say, putting an arm around Rachel. "Finn Hudson was my first life too. Santana was on her 47th, if you thought she was crazy before just wait until she gets back home with yet another life under her belt, it's going to be intense."

"Okay, enough chitchat, time to welcome out girl home," Kurt says, wrapping an arm around Rachel.

"We'll catch up with you," Rachel says, "There's something I wanted to tell Finn.

"Okay," Kurt shrugs, linking arms with Hillary. "Come on Hill, I'll race you to the mansion."

"I have Wings," She says rolling her eyes as they leave us behind.

"This is unbelievable," Rachel says, smiling up at me. "I mean, none of this feels quite real."

"I know, but it is," I say, placing a hand on her cheek and I feel so full as I look down at her, in ways I haven't felt in so long. "It's home."

She smiles as we walk hand in hand. "Was it hard for you? Adjusting to all of this, being away from everyone?"

"Well, I had Hill, and my dad, and Sprinkles, and I guess Oscar too if you count him, so I was never really alone, but…"

"But what?"

"I guess no matter how good I had it here, I always kind of felt like something was missing."

"How about now," she says, squeezing my hand tighter. "Do you still feel like something is missing?"

And at that I pull her hand up to my lips, kissing it softly. "I don't think I'm ever going to feel that way again Rachel."

"Good," she says warmly, as we continue into eternity together.

**My idea of how God and the afterlife works isn't based on any religious principles I personally hold, it's just kind of what I like to imagine God and Heaven are really like, I've always believed in God, Heaven and to a lesser extent, Hell, just not necessarily the Christian Bible version. And yes, I know I made the ending way too ideal considering the subject matter, but I like to think you can forgive me for that. Stay tuned for the epilogue which will be entirely from Rachel's point of view.**


	10. Epilogue: The Hereafter

**For any of you reading Rachel Rises, it will finally be updated within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled for it. **

She has the most beautiful hair, I sometimes wonder if it's because she's not quite human, but I suppose it doesn't matter, she's as human to me as anyone I know, and as soon as it is, as little as I really know her, I love her. I suppose that's how Finn must have felt too.

"Is this okay?" I say quietly as I brush her long hair. "I mean, I know you're pushing sixty."

"I resent that," Hillary says playfully. "Besides, the way time works here I'm more like seventeen."

"Hmm," I murmur. "I guess that's still a little too old for your mother to be brushing your hair."

"It's okay, I like it," she says, shrugging. "Besides, this place is all about getting to do all of the things you didn't get to do when you were alive, like brushing your daughter's hair… or you know, maybe rekindling things with my dad."

I pause then, I knew that this would come up, she hasn't been exactly subtle about how much she hopes me and Finn would take our renewed friendship further, if only it were that simple.

"You know that I love your father very much," I say warmly, and I do, I truly do, it's hard to believe how little that's changed, but things are different now, we're different people. "We love each other very much I hope."

"I know he loves you," she says. "He used to tell the nicest stories about you, it made me want to meet you that much more."

I smile warmly at that as she continues. "I guess I don't understand why you're not together if you love each other so much."

"Well, there's Henry for one," I say guiltily. It's been four earth months since I died and his smile is finally back, he moved in with our eldest son and his wife, he's jogging again, he's Henry again, and I can't say that I don't miss him, but I'm happy that he's moving on, maybe happier than I should be.

"I know you love your husband," Hillary says. "But you're dead, he's not, it's not cheating if you want to get back together with my dad. Just like it wouldn't be cheating if Henry went out with some nice lady he met at the senior center, just like it wasn't cheating when you fell in love with Henry in the first place in spite of still being in love with my dad."

"But this is different Hill," I say, trying out the nickname, noticing the way she smiles a little at it. "I'm dead, and one day he will be too, what happens then?"

"Yeah, I guess that would be pretty awkward," She admits. "But I mean, Henry knows about Finn, on some level he must be able to see it coming."

"It's not going to make it any easier," I respond.

"All I'm saying is that you owe it to yourself to find out what you really want, and to make sure for my sake that what you really want is my dad," She says, only half jokingly.

I chuckle a little at that, and I have to admit I've felt things since I got here, since seeing Finn again, things I've tried hard to ignore. Things I think I've felt all along.

"Hill?" I say after a few moments of silence. "Can you really see everything on that skyscreen?"

"Pretty much, why?"

"Well, I guess I just wanted to, maybe see how your dad is doing, I mean I haven't really talked to him since he got back from battling that incubus."

"Well why don't you just go… wait," she says, catching on. "You know that spying on people here is really frowned upon, you could lose your chariot for that."

"Hillary if I'm going to make an informed decision then I have to be informed, it's his poker night with the guys, everyone knows that poker night with the guys is an information free for all, especially when one of the guys is Kurt."

"Okay, if you hypothetically wanted to spy on my dad then yes, you hypothetically could but please don't make a habit out of it mom," Hillary says carefully.

"I won't," I say, bending to kiss her hair. "I promise." At that I get up, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

I think this is the first time I've used the skyscreen for anything other than watching my family and getting caught up on _Breaking Bad_, but I swallow hard as the floating platform lifts me up, and clear my throat once before speaking.

"I want to see Finn Hudson," I say. "The tall one with the wings," I clarify needlessly, I guess it still takes a little getting used to, a piece of totally glitch-free technology.

It takes only a second for the image of Finn, Oscar, Kurt, Santana and Burt to come up on the screen, and a smile a little at the sight of them.

"So are you going to play any time this century?" Oscar says impatiently.

"Would you chill the eff out," Santana says, taking a long drag of her cigar. "You literally have all the time in the world."

"Don't mind him, ever since he got back together with Nikola all he ever wants to do is go out with him and ignore everyone else," Finn says.

"Excuse me for enjoying the company of my significant other," Oscar argues. "That's more than I can say for you lad."

"Here we go," Finn says, rolling his eyes.

"Well, you have to admit he has a point," Burt says. "You waited for Rachel for fifty seven years and now that she's here you're saying you're totally content to be in the friend zone for the rest of eternity?"

I have to admit, Burt's comment makes my heart squeeze a little, I started dating seriously again after college, less than three years after Finn died, he waited fifty seven, granted time goes faster here, but still, that must have been so hard.

"I'm content with Rachel being happy," Finn says. "She just died Burt, she just had to leave her whole family behind, the last thing I want is to move in on her now, we're friends, I'm fine with that."

"Are you really Finn, or is that just what you tell yourself so you won't have to admit that you're afraid she'll choose Henry?" Kurt says.

"Of course he is," Santana says. "It's all over his face."

"Okay, so what if I am worried," Finn says. "Wouldn't you be?"

"I would, he was a rich entertainment lawyer, and his last name was Friedberg, put yourself in the Jewish girl's shoes," Santana says unhelpfully.

"So, Finn has wings," Kurt shoots back, and I can't help but shake my head and smirk at both of them, it's amazing that they haven't changed even a little.

"So do I, what's your point?" Santana says, shrugging.

"Butterfly wings don't count, they don't even carry your weight since you got your human body back," Kurt argues.

"So what, they look hot on me," Santana says. "Besides if I want to fly I have all sorts of hot undead tail offering me chariot rides anywhere I want."

"I'm just saying," Finn says, getting back to the subject. "They were married for almost forty years, I can't compete with forty years and three kids," he continues, making my heart break a little for him.

"Listen Finn," Kurt says. "I knew Henry, I was friends with Henry, Henry was a great guy and they were very happy."

"Are you going somewhere with this Kurt?" Finn says a bit coldly.

"I'm just saying, no matter how great Henry was and how long they were married, it doesn't change the fact that you're Noah Calhoun, he's Lon Hammond, you're Edward Cullen, he's Jacob Black, you're Jack Dawson, he's whatever poor bastard ended up marrying Rose in Titanic," Kurt argues.

"I don't know who any of those people are," Finn sighs.

"Really, even with super Netflix?" Kurt says incredulously.

"Look Finn, what Kurt is saying is that Rachel loves you, she always has, surely you must know that," Burt says.

"You're one to talk, you stayed with my mom when you got here," Finn says a bit bitterly, making Burt shrink in his seat a little.

"That's different, they died in their nineties within a few months of each other," Kurt argues. "And by the time dad got here my mom was already dating that nice man who died in 9/11."

"Yeah, what about my dad?" I say.

"He's happy for me," Carole says, entering the room with a tray of snacks and kissing Burt on the cheek. "And we're still very good friends."

"So who am I in this story?" Finn asks. "Am I my dad or am I Burt?"

"Maybe you should ask her," Carole says, shrugging. "Have you ever thought of that?"

And at that point Finn finally nods, tossing down his cards and standing up, and oh no, he's coming for me, I know it and I just can't do this right now.

"Well if Finn's leaving," Oscar says, standing up as well.

"Fine, go," Kurt says bitterly. "Try to keep a little bit of normalcy going up here and how do you guys thank me? By having amazing otherworldly adventures with mad scientists and film stars."

"By the way," Oscar says to Kurt. "Lee Pace has been asking about you."

"Okay, well same time next week," Kurt says, getting up excitedly.

"What about Blaine Mr. true romantic?" Santana says snidely.

"Are you kidding, he'd smack me harder than any of you if I didn't take advantage," Kurt says. "By the way, do you have to be so hard on Finn?"

"What can I say, he's still fun to mess with," Santana says, shrugging. "I'm still rooting for the big guy."

"Skyscreen off," I say, I really have a lot to think about.

* * *

I like to come here sometimes, to be alone with my thoughts. I'm thinking it was made specifically for me, maybe all of us have a quiet space to ourselves, but in spite of how beautiful this place is, with the sparkling lake and tall trees and grass cushy enough to sleep for hours on, there still seems to be something missing, and as I feel something large plop down beside me a small smile reaches my lips.

"How did you find me?" I say, not looking at him.

"I think on some level you wanted to see me," Finn answers. "So here I am."

And at that I can't keep it inside, I can't keep the tears from falling. I'm thinking I've been able to cry for awhile now, I just haven't, but now the tears won't stop.

"Hey hey, what's wrong?" he says, putting an arm around me and kissing my hair. "What's the matter?"

"I won the Oscar," I say, thinking back on last week, when I just couldn't stop myself from looking at the telecast.

"I know," he says with a smile. "Kurt told me, I knew it, I knew you would win, I'm so proud of you Rach."

"It was so beautiful," I say, wiping my eyes. "My children accepted on my behalf, my children… and Henry."

I look at him then, and his face is about what I suspect.

"Are you happy here Rachel?" he says, looking out at the water.

"I am," I say truthfully, squeezing his hand. "I'm so, so happy here."

"But you miss them… you miss _him_," he says as a statement rather than a question.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"You don't have to be sorry," he says, even though I know he's hurt. "You loved him, it's okay. It's what I wanted for you, it's why I left. I wanted you to be happy Rachel."

"The thing is," I say then. "I don't know what I feel guiltier about, the fact that I love Henry, so, so much… or…"

"Or what?" he says, looking at me.

"Or the fact that after all of these years, I still love you more," I continue, my voice breaking, and his eyes go wide at the declaration, but he doesn't speak. "Not a day went by when I didn't think about you, when I didn't think, what if? And even when I was so happy, and so settled and so in love, it still drove me crazy how much I missed you. Do you know what me and Henry's first fight was about?"

"I tried not to look in on too many of your moments with Henry, felt a little weird," Finn admits. "I was at your wedding, though, you looked really beautiful, and so happy."

"I was happy," I say, thinking back on that day fondly. "Anyway, we had been seeing each other for a few months and I had been nominated for my Tony award, he took me out to celebrate, it was a great night, and when we got back to my apartment I read him my speech."

"Go on," Finn says a bit warily.

"And let's just say, you were a pretty big part of it," I admit. "And he… sort of wasn't."

"You forgot to thank him in your speech," Finn says, not judgmentally.

"It hadn't even crossed my mind," I say shamefully. "But you had, and he just looked so hurt, he knew all about you, about how in love we were and I think in a way he was always a little jealous, but he never said anything about it until that night. It was awful, I felt like the worst person in the world, and even more so when he walked out and I didn't hear from him again for three days."

"What happened then?"

"We met for coffee, and it took what felt like forever for one of us to talk, I finally said that I was sorry, that I never meant to leave him out and I rambled for god knows how long before he reached across the table and held my hand and said. 'Rachel, it's alright, I know how much you loved him, and how much it hurt you when he died, and I'm sorry that I made you feel badly about him still meaning something to you, when the truth is, I'd rather be second in your heart to a dead man than not in it at all.'"

I wipe my tears at the end of the story, and Finn simply looks pensive. "What did you say?" he finally asks.

"I told him that I loved him, for the first time, because it was that moment that I knew. If I had to love someone that wasn't you, it would have to be someone who understood how much you meant to me."

He squeezes my hand then. "Rachel, you know, love isn't always about soulmates, or destiny or any of that meant for each other fairy tale stuff," he explains. "Sometimes it's just about finding someone who makes you happy, a companion, a best friend."

"He was my best friend," I say with a fond smile. "_You_ were my soulmate Finn, and I just feel so badly about the fact that I stole Henry's chance to find his," I continue, still crying, and Finn wipes my tears away and kisses my cheek softly and he strokes my hair.

"There's still time for him Rachel, if not there, than here," He explains.

"Heaven is all about doing everything you didn't get to do when you were alive," I say, quoting Hillary. "Like finding your soulmate."

"Exactly," Finn says. "I think that's why I never really dated, aside from fighting demons and being a single dad taking up all my time, I knew that it was you, that you were the one."

"Really," I say, narrowing my eyes playfully. "What about Brittany Murphy?"

And he looks a little frantic at my words. "Oscar kind of let it slip," I continue.

"I'm going to kill him," Finn says. "Look it didn't mean anything okay, it was the night of your wedding and I got really depressed and I had a lot to drink at Freddy Mercury's birthday party and she was there and she was so nice—

I cut him off then, cupping his face and kissing him softly, for the first time since I got here, and unlike back in the dark place I can feel it, and it feels just as amazing as it ever did, so I go in for another, pulling him down with me as I lay on the soft grass.

"Finn," I say, coming up for air.

"It's not cheating," he reassures me, somehow knowing what was on my mind, and I smile and kiss him again, pulling him closer, feeling his feathered wings on my fingertips.

"I love you," I say breathlessly.

"I love you too," he repeats as we continue to kiss passionately on the grass.

"Finn," I say, feeling a bit mischievous. "You know how we can't feel pain here?"

"Yeah," he says, probably wondering where I'm going with this.

"Does that exclude the good kind?" I say with a smirk,

"Are you sure you're a grandma?" He teases.

"I'm being serious," I say, smacking him a little.

And he smiles and responds by biting me on the ear.

"Ooh," I breathe softly. "I guess that answers my question," and we continue our activities, and I proceed to pull at his shirt.

"Sorry," he says, grunting a little as he helps me get it off. "It's kind of hard with the wing holes."

It's not long before we're both nude in the tall grass, making love like we never, ever stopped, and as I let him fill me like he used to, I think that maybe one day things will be different. Maybe we'll want to start over, be someone else like Santana, but I'm thinking no matter how many lives we live, or what experiences we have, we'll always find each other again, right here.

**Thank you all so much for reading!** **I hope this story has put a smile on your faces in the wake of this awful tragedy and I hope that Cory is somewhere where he can finally be at peace. **

**That's all folks!**


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